Snapshots

More Snapshots

~ ~ ~

I looked over at the silky graduation gown hanging in my closet. In less than twelve hours, I was going to be an official graduate. I threw the covers off and climbed under my bed, reaching for the leather-bound journal that we shared. My fingers grazed against it, and I pulled it out. Looking down at it, my eyes filled with tears. How was I supposed to be able to explain? No. I would deal with that later.

I heard a knock on the door. I shoved the journal under my pillow and flopped down, pretending to be asleep.

The door creaked open. "Matthew?" my mom asked and I "woke up", blinking drowsily and sitting up slowly.

"Yeah?" I mumbled.

"Are you nervous?"

"Of course."

"I know. I felt the same way."

But she didn't know what I was going to do. She didn't know how much Abigail was going to hate me. She didn't know how much I already hated myself.

~ ~ ~

"Matthew!" that curly black hair flew towards me. "Matthew! I'm so excited. Aren't you? In less than an hour, we will officially be adults! No more school! At least...no more school that isn't important to the rest of our lives. High school can say it all they want, but that doesn't make it an ounce more pivotal." 

I smiled at her. I loved her so much. I wanted to tell her, to warn her. But I couldn't. Not that night. She didn't need that on her tonight. Tonight was going to be our night, our final time together, and I wasn't going to ruin the last time she ever looked at me that way with bitterness before she had to have it.

I put my hands on her shoulders. "Breathe, Abigail. It's just graduation."

"Well, yeah," she rolled her eyes. "Easy for you to say. You're not giving the speech that will effect our peers for the rest of our lives."

"Abigail," I laughed. "You'll do great. You're good at everything you do. Besides, I'm pretty sure no one's actually going to be listening during the speech." Her contented blush quickly dissipated and she gave me a hard whack on the arm.

"Jerk," she began to march off, a fake pout present on her face.

I hurried up to her. "But I have a secret for you."

"And what is that?" she arch a critical eyebrow.

"You like me," I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"I do not!" she automatically argued back.

"Do too."

"Do not."

I bent down and kissed her forehead gently.

"Okay," she blushed furiously. "Maybe I do."

As she skipped off to talk to all of her friends about how excited she was, my heart sunk. I knew that I was an absolutely terrible person. I would love her forever, but would she really always love me?

~ ~ ~

I turned on the dimmest lamp on my desk. Even though my parents were asleep and nothing was ever going to wake them. I looked at the blank sheet of paper and felt like my throat was constricting. How was I supposed to tell this to her? And in a cowardly letter, of all things.

I put my pen to the paper. Dear Abigail, I wrote. Already, I felt choked up. Hot tears rose up behind my eyes, and I blinked them away. I hadn't even gotten to the meat of the letter and I was already practically a weeping mess.