The distorted dream

Is it just a dream?

I was 6 years old when I first met the girl I loved. It was on a school bus that we first met. We seemed to be the only ones in the bus. I don't even remember the driver being present.

It was during my first week of school in the first grade. I boarded the bus to school in the morning. I was always the first one to be picked up by the bus. I went on and sat at the second last seat. In the next stop, a new girl with short hair boarded. She looked really cute I thought. For some reason unknown to me, in the long empty bus she sat next to me. We soon began talking. Our talking seemed endless. I can't even remember what we talked about but I had never felt connected a person as I did then. I didn't even notice if there were other students boarding the bus. We finally reached school, classes were over in a blur. Then we both met again on the bus returning home and we resumed our endless talk. She said her name was Aparna, I remember it vividly. The last words I heard from her were 'See you again.'

I was excited to meet her again in the school bus the next day. But she never came. I asked the boy I sat with about the girl I was sitting with yesterday, Aparna. The boy insisted that I had sat with him instead and looked displeased as it seemed like I was teasing him by comparing him to a girl. My fears were true, I was afraid she didn't exist. It was just a dream. A friend with whom I connected with deeply was just a dream.

As time passed I forgot about her, occasionally once or twice in two years I'd remember the weird dream I had. The meeting with Aparna seemed more and more like a dream as time passed, the memory of the dream became corrupted with time and my own personal wish fulfillment. The empty school bus was a clue to it and so was the fact that school seemed to end immediately after it began. I barely remember anything about what we talked except for the fact that the connection we shared felt deep and real. This connection I felt maybe effected me since I was talking to something I created, right? Dreams are generally forgotten, right? Then why do I still remember her name... Aparna. I remembered her face for the longest time as well until time and memory eventually corrupted it. It was just a dream, right?

Twenty years later I reach a similar situation. Depressed by the mundane work and loneliness of life, I simply come home everyday by train feeling empty inside and repeat it the next day. I have no talents, I have no skills. I am just an ordinary person that just simply exists feeling insignificant everyday thinking about the pointlessness of life.

Today, just another day I am unaware of the seemingly countless similar days that pass as I board the subway to reach home after work. For some reason the train is extremely empty today. There is no one in it except me. I find the joy of getting a seat in an otherwise packed train. The journey through the subway is generally when I feel most depressed, observing a bunch of different and unique people being happy and cheerful. It made me feel worse about myself. But today was different, the train was empty for some reason. I grew afraid if this train was out of service or something. But the announcements seemed to happen in a normal fashion. In the next stop I saw a gorgeous looking woman enter in my coach. It was only her and no one else. She came and sat right next to me in the completely empty train. I felt uncomfortable at first and tried to avoid eye contact with her as I didn't want to look like a pervert in front of her. My discomfort probably showed in my face.

'Are you okay' she asked smiling.

'Eh ...Y..Yes' I stammered. I looked at her. She looked nervous for some reason. Looking at her calmed me down, I eased myself and took a deep breath.

'The train seems quite empty today right?' I asked. From there on we embarked on a lengthy seemingly never ending conversation. But time didn't feel like it passed. I've never connected with anyone this way before. I was instantly reminded of Aparna. As my stop neared and the train still remained empty a ghastly realization struck me as I was talking to her. 'Is this another dream? Please god don't let this be another dream. If it is then I never want to wake up from this dream.' The woman read my expression and asked

'Is everything was okay.'

I looked at the announcement for the next stop. Then I looked at her and said

'Looks like my stop is next. I am afraid I'll never meet you again and will only find myself waking up in my bed.'

The woman gave a sad smile and asked 'What makes you think that way?'

'I had such an encounter 20 years ago. It was on a school bus but turned out it was only a dream. I still remember her name though. It was Aparna. Is your name Aparna by any chance?' I let out a chuckle as I asked her.

The woman started having tears flow out of her eyes. Watching her cry gave me goosebumps. It is her!

'I glad to know you still remember me.' Aparna cried.

I wiped her tears and asked her 'This is unbelievable.... Are you real? Is this a dream?'

'Probably. You don't realize how much I missed you do you?' Aparna cried.

I looked at her stunned. Unable to comprehend the events that were happening.

'You'll remember now' she said. She came closer and kissed me. Suddenly I was enriched with a rush of memories. A glimpse of my childhood and hers. We grew up together in school, we were always close. Images of us playing, an image of me declaring my love to her during my late teenage years. We were together having a lot of fun, we loved each other, and we were inseparable soulmates. There were couple of images of hardships as we entered adulthood. But then there were images of us overcoming them. Then there was an image of our marriage, we seemed so happy. We tried having a baby, images of a pregnant Aparna rushed by... but then the baby was stillborn, we overcame the grief together. Then there was an image of me getting sick, terribly sick with Aparna beside me looking distraught. Then I remember.... Dying.

'Am I dead?' I asked.

Aparna cried. I tried to calm her. The she started.

'After you died, I couldn't take it anymore. I blamed myself. If I'd never had fallen for you, I'd never have felt this awful. Nor would you have probably died. I climbed the building and was ready to kill myself. I am not sure if I actually did but I saw a form of myself floating in the air. She asked me for a wish I wanted if I could go back in time.

I shouted that I wished our first meeting was just a dream and that I never existed.

I couldn't believe it when her wish actually worked. I went back in time and relived our first meeting but after it I somehow joined you and become trapped, simply as a part of your subconscious. But as I watched you grow up without me, I felt sad. We felt incomplete, your happiness was missing. I often visited you in dreams you never remembered. I never realized how much happy we were, how much happy I had made you and how much you made me. I terribly am sorry that I erased all of our memories together that we created. I couldn't appear again and restore memories from the previous timeline until today...... that is the day you died. Now I've been freed from your sub consciousness. '

Hearing and understanding everything, the stark realization of another life I'd lived made me cry. Do we still have our feelings after we die? Probably. It seemed like it.

'So we are both dead now right. Now what do we do?' I asked with a laugh as I wiped my own tears.

The train stopped as I reached my stop. Aparna smiled looking at me.

'Well death is but another journey right. Let's find out together.'

She held my hand as we got out of the empty train.