Just Another Book(ryden)

chapter 3

i wasn't ready for this. not to see him. not to have a conversation with him. i didn't want this right now but couldn't run away forever. "oh uh hi ryan" i said with my shaker voice. i was holding back my tears with everything in me.
"i wanted to talk. ya know about what happened last week. i feel awful that your so upset. "
i didn't know how to reply without wanting to curl in a ball sob. "of course i'm upset. i loved. no i still do love you. we were so happy. and i thought everything was good with us."
"it was great. you were. you are great. i just had to and i don't think you'll underst--"
"it's fine. you don't have to explain" i ensured him
"no just listen. i didn't want to. i really didn't..." i distracted myself from crying by putting my guitar down. i then just listened to him.
"everything about us was amazing. and i think i was afraid which is why i stopped everything. i'm afraid that i won't be able to control my feelings. and i didn't want to hurt you more. but now i know how upset you are either way. and i'm so sorry"
"you don't have to be sorry. yes i'm upset. i will be for a long time too. i wasn't ready to end the beautiful thing we had" i told him and i gave up on trying not to cry and tears just rolled down my rosy cheeks.
"brendon it kills me to see you like this. i hate how i put you in this awful spot" ryan put his head down and looked at me all around. he looked at my arm and i realized they were bare.
"what the fuck brendon. i thought you stopped this years ago. this isn't because of me is it?"i look down and my tears just keep coming ashamed of what he saw.
"no it's because of me. i'm not good enough for you. i could never be good enough and i deserve what i did."
"no no no. where did that come from. don't think that. you are beyond perfect. it was me. and i don't think this is the end. i don't think this is the end of us"
"really?" i say with a little bit of hope in my voice
"listen to me. i think of relationships like books. you can always reread them. but then you will just find other books to read that will be better than the last." i wipe my tears and get up and start packing my stuff to go. i reply to his analogy,
"yes. but i was hoping the last book i read was apart of a series. same characters. new adventures." i left leaving tears in ryan's eyes and tears coming out of mine.