We Are Together Because Of A Phone - jikook

Bad feelings

--just going through my writing to check spelling and if it makes sense, since more and more people are reading my story's and I'm happy about that--

Jimin

Today we had had our fan signing and like always I sat next to Jungkook, we always messed around with each other and had a lot of skinship since the fans really enjoyed that but it pained me that it was just an act towards each other. While we were behind the stage getting ready to go interact with Army I was playing with my phone let time pass by until I heard a familiar laugh, it was Jungkook he was laughing at Jin-hyung, those two are always bickering but no one can take it the wrong way it's just too cute when they argue. I secretly took a picture of Jungkook laughing so much that his bunny smile was shining along with cute wrinkles on the side of his eyes, he was holding his stomach while leaning his body a bit back. I know it makes me look like a stocker but I'm always taking pictures of him when he acts like this.

I don't know how long we were out there talking with fans but I decided to lean towards Jungkook and grab the side of his suit to see if he had a pocket for me to put my phone in and luckily he did so I slid it in there, he never complains when I make him hold my things, he probably thinks he has to since his the maknae and all. At one moment I was messing with him with the small balloon I had in my hand until he took it from me and started hitting me with it. He was using his other hand to hit me with it but I noticed that the hand that I had the balloon in was replaced with Jungkook holding on to it very firmly, it felt warm it was a good feeling. I know that we have to interact with the fans but I hate it when he flashed his bunny smile to willingly to them and has deep eye contact with them. I know he sometimes shows his smiles towards me when I make him laugh but he never stares at me like that, I've catch him a few times staring at me but he is just being polite when I'm talking or doing something interesting. I had this weird feeling today since last night and I don't know why but I now that Jungkook is acting to nice towards me, I'm not complaining I love it when he acts like this but I'm not used to it, he might be in one his teen moods. Today he is not rejecting my clinginess towards him, usually when I wrap my arm around him or touch any part of my body on him he either pinches me or slightly pushes me away, today he was returning the skinship as well....Oh how I wish there were more days like this. I know that I should stop fantasizing about having a loving relationship with him I mean he is still in high school and is only 17, I'm 20. He might not even know what he wants or likes, especially being gay or having any feeling towards me only that is more than a friend or seeing me like an older brother. But he doesn't see me as an older brother or friend he never calls me hyung, he always says it's because of my height but he calls Suga hyung and he isn't that much taller than me, does he hate me or just likes messing with me because I seem easy. The entire day was supper fun like always I love interacting with fan and how they show their support for us. My manager came and whisper in my ear that it was time for me to leave, I have a doctor's appointment just to make sure everything is ok with me and I can still be a singer and a dancer, I said my goodbyes to fans and the members and left to get changed into something more comfortable and headed to the car. 30 minutes driving to my appointment I wanted to look through my phone and started to freak out that Jungkook still had it, I didn't want anyone to look at the photos and videos I had in there. Its not like I had fully naked photos of me, but I had a lot of photos of him and me but also a lot more of just him as well as some videos of him dancing or laughing. He is going to find me disgusting and not want to be near me anymore, I took a deep breath and remembered that I had a passcode. When we arrived at the doctor's office they started doing test on me I got my yearly shots, I was happy that my weight was in check and I had a strong body to dance for a long time. When I heard my doctor say that I had Vocal Cord Hemorrhage, my jaw dropped as well as my manager, I was told that I could not sing for 2months or talk too much if I wanted to get better faster. I told my manager that I wanted to be by myself for a while before we headed to the studio for dance practice with the rest of my members, after my appointment the members were informed that we were going to have a 2month break for us to relax, it wasn't really a lie that they wanted us to rest but they also didn't want to worry them about my situation. I was crying for a while in the bathroom and also on my way to the studio, its scary to find out something like that because it can get worst with any little thing. When I arrived to the studio the members where already dancing, I got in my position and tried to keep up, the rest of them took a 10min break while I was still practicing since I got here late that also meant I had to stay later as well. While practicing I notice that my mind wasn't on it since I was missing some of the steps even though I'm the best at dancing to 'Spring day' my moves are usually smooth and fluent, but not today and my members noticed that. Jin came up to me and told me to take a break for a bit, then he was asking if I was ok, but of course I lied and said that everything was ok and that I'm just not feeling it today. But he noticed that I was lying to him he is the best at catching when us maknaes are lying to him or when something is wrong. "You know I can tell when you guys are lying to me Jimin, I don't know what's going on because you were all happy before your doctor's appointment, are you like this because of your doctor appointment did something go wrong, I won't tell anyone its better for you to tell someone so some of the weight will be taken away from you." while he was talking he never took his eyes of me, and dam he found out really quick, maybe some of this scary feeling will lighten if I tell him. So I did, I noticed that Jungkook kept looking at me ever since I entered the room. So I told Jin everything, I started with this morning saying how I felt like something was wrong with today and just how Jungkook was acting towards me, Jin knows that I have deep feelings towards our maknae, and then the doctor appointment how I found out I have Vocal Cord Hemorrhage from over singing and trying to have higher notes and that's why we get a 2month rest. He literally yelled my name that all eyes turned to us so I hit him gently, he was being very supportive right now that I needed it. It was already 9PM so the members were already at our dorms, probably eating, talking, playing or sleeping. Time went fast that it was already past midnight I wanted to check if I had any missed calls or text but I forgot Jugnkook still had my phone. I felt better after the talk with Jin that I was able to concentrate in the dance. I dimmed the lights a bit and started dancing a bit more getting really sweaty and hot that I took my shirt off, I started listing to some of Taeyangs songs and started crying when reality hit me I can't sing, I can't imagine never being able sing as much as I want or how I used to. I leaned on the mirror and slid down to wrap my legs with my arms and placed my forehead on my knees and started crying more, the atmosphere was really depressing that it wasn't helping .