No Lies, Please.

1.3

I walk around for a bit. Not very far but I walk. I walk to the library and lounge there for a good fifteen minuets. Mostly staring at the ceiling questioning why the hell I was there in the first place. Turns out this was the prime way to fall asleep for a good 4 hour nap. I would've slept longer before the librarian yelled at me to leave. I complied and went to Starbucks for a coffee.

My mind was kind of blank. As though none of the things I did really filtered through. My thoughts gathered then escaped my mind. I couldn't concentrate is the best way to put it. Downward spiral here I come.

"Hey, are you ok?" Someone asked me softly nudging my arm. I looked up to see a girl with short blonde hair giving me a concerned stare. "You've been staring at your cup for ten straight minuets."

"Ya, kind of dazed." I mumbled, she took the seat next to me. Placing her cup down on the table.

"Mind telling?"

"No, I'm good." I say bringing the coffee to my lips and taking a sip.

"Alright, than...What would you like to talk about?" She asked, she seemed curious and I didn't really want to tell her to leave me alone.

She fixed her beanie and gave me a small smile.

"I have literally no idea what to talk about. Why not, what's your name?" I said trying to flip the question asking on her.

"Cassandra, most call me Cass. Now you, shoot."

"Zayn," I muttered realizing how plain my name was. The only thing remotely different about it may have been the spelling, I tensed.

"Calm down, man. You seem wound up. Somethings making you anxious, I won't ask because you seem pretty set on not answering. I'll give you some advice, whatever it is. Make sure to laugh it off when it's over. Makes the experience, better." She commented before gathering up her coffee and leaving the store.

I watched as she met up with someone in a clash of a short embrace. Before walking out of sight. I sighed taking another sip of coffee. I should've added more sugar.

I finish up the bitter coffee before making it over to the bus. I should get a bus pass since I seem to go on it so often. Maybe later. Not now. To the apartment I go. Let's hope I can handle an intervention without killing myself. Figuratively. 

The bus stops and I walk over to the apartment climbing up the flight of stairs. I see the apartment door but I just kind of stand there. A loud mumbling can be heard from here. Nothing distinct but it's heard. I take a deep breath and hold onto it. My hand hits the door knob and I open the door. A large banner with the word INTERVENTION is hung up. I look around at the faces, some seemingly feeling awkward just being here.

"Hello, Zayn and wait til I tell you-"Sophie begins but Thea puts a hand over her mouth.

"You're not telling him," She whispers though I can still here her.

"Tell me what?" I ask and Sophie jumps out of the girl's grip.

"Why do you think I would tell him?" She smirks trying to subside a bundle of giggles, "It's fun to stir his curiosity."

"Just tell me," I say annoyed.

"No, first we have people with their letter things." Sophie says motioning to Jayden (Blonde).

"Zayn, we think you're gay. Not as an insult but we think you like guys, Xavier to be exact. You kissed someone because you were jealous and we're here for you. I'm lesbian, I will be your support if I ever come around to caring." Jayden (Blonde) said walking out of the living room and into the kitchen. I hear the opening of the fridge.

"Lia, go, go." Sophie insists.

"No, this is ridiculous. I'm telling him, he has a right to know!" Lia says proudly.

"Fine, fine. I'll tell him, stupid voice of reason." Sophie mutters.

"I'm your Jiminy Cricket and don't you forget it," Lia said happily.

"Alright, okay." Sophie says her excitement making her jump slightly in place. I'm worried. "You see, *giggle* R-Raina *giggle* is...*fit of laughter*...Sorry, sorry. Raina was born male and she wants to be female." Sophie giggles, "So technically you kissed a boy."

I'm stunned, utterly stunned. My hearts pounding quickly and I've lost feeling in my fingers. Okay, stay calm. It doesn't mean anything. Just your sexuality being entirely put into question. Unraveling many lifestyle choices that seemed odd but make sense now. Wait..Why is this hitting me so greatly? It means nothing. It means nothing! I thought she was a girl and if she wants to be she is. It feels like I'm underwater.

It's not a bad thing. So what? Straight actors do it all the time. Though, though this wasn't acting. It was entirely different. It's not that I liked it or didn't like it. I'm just confused. Maybe Sophie was right in her weird way. Maybe, what a bullshit term. Maybe, it could go both ways still. Just like me. Goddammit what the hell is wrong with me. It's not like I'll be bullied if I'm gay. It's just, what if I am and what if I'm not? I've never really dated anyone. Kissed people, ya sure. Nothing that went beyond the boundary of friends who've kissed.

"Earth to Zayn, you still there? Or have you reached mars like Mark Strong right now?" Sophie said and Jaiden (Brunette) lightly punched her.

Who cares?

"Don't make stupid references about a bad movie right now," Jaiden (Brunette) argued.

Who cares?

"Approaching the Unknown was a good movie, no one can tell me otherwise!" Sophie yelled.

"Who cares?" I finally yell, "Stop going on random selfish rants about some stupid movie for a second. Not to turn the attention to myself but," I realize I've gone silent. What question did I want to ask. How do you know if your gay? What if you're just having a mental breakdown? What if this shit is putting you over the edge of your limit?

That kind of stuff.

"Zayn, calm down. We get it, it's weird and odd." Lia breaks in and now I can see where Sophie got her dumb speech from, "You just have to except what you're going through. Whether if you are or not. It's not a big deal, you're still going to be Zayn."

She smiles a similar one like the Cass girl I saw today.

I swallow down my pride and try to think about it.

1. First day meeting Xavier and I was a nervous mess. Most rom coms Sophie makes me watch are like that.

2. Haven't I already had a dream where I kissed him, pretty sure that happened in the hospital or something.

3. Also I've risked my life for him.

4. I kind of read a load of comics just because he said he liked them. Literally thought they were just like manga before.

5. There's a fifth reason, I just don't want my mental dialog to admit it.

Alright.

Admit it.

Why do I always have to suffer the wrath of these people?

I guess. I like Xavier?

I laughed. I laughed hard.