Short Tales of Nothing

A Hurt Soul

A Hurt Soul

The day was one of those days when everything looked perfect, the sun was exceptionally hot for a springs day and the birds couldn’t keep themselves quiet, but I wished they would. I wished it was horrible and dark and raining. I sat cooped up in my room in the same spot on the window seat that I always sat on. Dave told me we should buy a new window seat but how could I? No after everything that had happened. It was the only thing that remained the same, even Dave had changed. He wasn’t the same charming British man that had wormed his way into my heart. Or maybe it was just me that changed. People often ask me what happened to the ‘old’ Julia. And what did happen to her? Where had she gone to? I didn’t even know anymore.

When I was younger I’d had my whole life planned out, down to every little detail. I’d gone to university and got a degree before I began travelling the world, that’s how I met my husband, Dave. He’d been traveling Europe at the time too, ‘A handsome Brit” my younger sister Lois had claimed. Then after my career took off, we settled down and planned to have out first baby. She’d be called Kimberly Anne, after my grandmother Anne and Dave’s sister Stacia Kimberly. My life was perfect, but then everything changed.

My mother once slapped me telling me that I needed to wake up. I’ve never yelled or raised my hand to anyone but that day I had yelled and I had pushed her. Things weren’t the same between us anymore. Things weren’t the same with anything anymore. How had things spiralled out of control so quickly? My doctor told me I had anxiety and depression but sometimes it felt more like bipolar, maybe I was bipolar, or maybe it was just this time of year. The months when I’d believed that my baby would come into this world, when I’d had her room ready and all the baby supplies bought.

I never even used them for my twins Marianne and Susanne, I couldn’t. They belonged to Kimberly. Her nappies, cot and everything else still sat in the roof of our house, probably covered in dust and now home to mice. How could the world be so heartless? She never even had a chance of life, a chance to open her eyes, to smell and taste something, have her first boyfriend, finish school and start her own life? People say that part of the reason I act the way I do is because of my OCD. The obsessive nature for everything to go as planned. Though that was far from the reason my heart ached and my muscles failed to work. 

 “Oh Kimberly, give me a sign,” I cried pulling a pillow to my chest as if to hold myself together “Please! Please show me something!” I looked out the window hoping to see an angel, a gush of wind, maybe even a shooting star, instead I saw Susanne and Marianne come racing down the street giggling and laughing, their brown hair like mine swept back by a breeze, their laughter probably meant I’d be getting a call from my neighbour Mrs Simmons complaining again. But this time I couldn’t even care. This was my sign, this was my baby Kimberly sending me a sign that she was still here with me. I looked at my two daughters and smiled my heart soaring. Her little sisters. The greatest gift and sign Kimberly could ever give me. Kimberly had always been here with me, shining through her sisters in the life she would have had. She’d given me so much at my worse; she’d given me two beautiful and healthy babies. She couldn’t be here with me so she gave me two babies to keep me going and give me a chance to see that life did go on.

I felt my mind and my heart begin to mend a little in that moment. I wasn’t fully whole yet and I didn’t think that I would ever be, but it was a start. I finally understood what my mother meant about needing to wake up. How can you see the world if your eyes are closed? And my eyes had been closed to the loving family that had always been there.

The door opened just as I rose off the seat, Dave walked in with a cup in each hand. I managed a smile feeling better each moment. We didn’t talk, simply staring at each other our eyes locked and our souls linked. He was a reminder of happiness and love. My husband, my soul mate. I let out a chocked laugh wiping back some tears; Dave also swiped a tear back. I wasn’t the only one who’d been hurt and changed by losing Kimberly. We’d grown so far apart from each other of these last few years we were almost unrecognisable, but I could see the love in his eyes and the understanding. It was time we started acting like a family again, and maybe it was time to starting opening up our hearts. I took the cup of coffee and leaned into a hug as our girls came running into the room, smiles lighting up their faces. I was truly a fortunate woman; I’d just neglected to appreciate that fact. A sign was all I had needed to finally see that again.

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This is my creative writing task for Year 11 that I had to do for my half yearly and yearly exams based on the idea of Identity :) Hope you enjoy!!! Also just ignore the cast to the side, it isn't related to this story :)

~Rochelle Taylar Xx