the age of innocence | lewandowski

28: coming of age

"He drowns in his dreams; an exquisite extreme, I know...he's as damned as he seems, but more heaven than a heart could hold—and if I tried to save him, my whole world would cave in..."

//

Giuliana followed Robert's instructions—she left him alone. She asked Stasie if she would be open to watching Rose, which she agreed to, and then headed over to the hospital, where Marco was.

He was awake, now. Despite how much pain he must've been in, he looked the same, and Giuliana felt that maybe she owed him some sort of apology. He was forgiving, however, before she'd even given one to him.

"How do you feel?" She inquired, calmly.

Marco smiled. "Like I'm going to die. Which is how I should feel, I suppose."

"I'm so sorry, Marco. Do you know who did this to you? Chiara?"

"The police asked me the same thing. I know it wasn't her, though. She didn't know about any of this—I told her I was leaving to visit my family. She doesn't know that I actually came to you to tell you the truth, so why would she want to kill me?"

Giuliana fiddled with his fingers. "Well," she mumbled, "Who else would want to kill you?"

Marco sat up, wincing a little. "Do you like being with him?"

"Who, Robert?" Marco nodded. Giuliana smiled, sadly. "Who else am I going to run to? Robert is all I've got. No one else could ever tolerates me like he does, or love me like he does."

Marco smiled, softly. "I could."

Giuliana looked at her hands. "Then why did you let her do those terrible things to us?"

"The truth?" Marco looked away. "I was jealous. I wanted you for my own. I didn't think it would ever get so serious. I truly resent it."

Giuliana stared at him, her lips parted. "I..." her voice drifted off. "I don't know what to say. I'm just so sad."

Marco looked away. "Well," he began, "It's  okay to be sad. We all crave sadness."

Giuliana rested her eyes on him. The sky outside was overcast, and left a gray light on Marco's pale skin. "How could you say that?" She asked.

For a while Marco remained still and quiet.
"People don't realize it—but we thrive on sadness. Can't you feel it?" He was confusing her. "Examine the growth that's happened to you," he continued. "You've completely sprouted after a drought. See? That's how it is with everyone. We need it. The world is sad, because it has to be. I'm afraid it's the only way we can rejoice. Do you get it?" Giuliana nodded, instinctively. She supposed that Marco's logic was similar to the whole there can't be a rainbow without rain thing, even though she really wasn't sure she understood. Though, a part of her felt like it did.

Marco stared at Giuliana, who was sniffling. She was as fleeting as the moments she held on to. A great dissatisfaction stirred inside her, taking her with the wind at any opportunity. She loved too deeply, and it seemed to have wrecked any predetermined course life could have offered her.

The space between the two of them closed so quickly when no one was around, she realized. Only now was she willing to come to terms with the fact that she'd genuinely had feelings for him. She was infinite. Their potential lingered between them, in the way they would look at each other and smile when they spoke. It was like a glimpse into an alternate life.

There was a time in which Giuliana was in love with the idea of being in love. She'd heard it was the most powerful feeling in the world, and she wanted to know how it felt to have a relationship with someone so strong, never worrying about that person leaving. She'd been so young and naive. In the end she did fall in love, and she found out it wasn't quite like she thought it was.