Holiday Thought Book

little note and thoughts before it actually starts off

I'm sitting in bed at midnight crying silently over About Sophie by Keaton Henson. This song is just so sad and beautiful. The line "you're my best friend, I'll love you til one of us dies" hits me so hard every single time. It's so beautifully composed and written and I could not be more in love with this song. It makes me genuinely sob my heart out and that's okay, because I haven't cried in a long time, and you need to cry every now and then to release your emotions. But now, all I'm thinking about is Josh. How it's already been a year, I don't know. It seems like last month that I lost my best friend. He was so good and so supportive. He didn't deserve to die. But he did. He took his own life. And it still hurts me. It hurts that I'll never know what he'll look like as an old man. It hurts that I'll never know what happens in his later life. It hurts that I won't be able to hug him anymore. It hurts. But I'm slowly getting over it. I have those days where I just want to curl up in his arms but I can't and then I cry because he's not here. But I'm getting there. It still hurts though.

Sorry this is so long, and a bit disorganised, started writing and just didn't want to stop. I just let my mind say whatever it wanted to say. Sorry.