Prematurely Adults

Chapter thirty

Stacey Jensen

I'm trying to, open my eyes and trying to move but my body don't want, to respond to my brain. Why can't I wake up? Am I dead Is this hell? I hear the beeping sound of machines as in hospital machines. And I can hear voices "Why won't she wake up? Is that dad? My father is here, I can hear you dad I wanna shout it from the roof tops but I can't move my mouth and the machines are going crazy. Is it because of me I can feel my heart beating erratically "What's happening? Dad ask sounding frustrated and worried "She's fine Mr. Jensen she is just excited to hear your voice" I hear a gruff male voice responds to dad's question "Why isn't she waking up? that question was asked through clenched teeth "Sir your daughter has been through a lot her body has, suffered a great deal. Her body just needs to respond to her brain it won't be long until she wakes up" dad sighs in relief "So my daughter can hear me? He ask as if he doesn't believe his own question "Yes, sir I'll leave you two alone" I hear the doctor leave the room and, dad is, scraping a chair nearer to my bed.

Princess dad begins hearing him calling me my childhood name makes me want, to cry I don't deserve to be called an innocent pure name. I messed up I'm a disappointment, to him I don't deserve his love and sympathy what I need is a good scolding and a good old fashion hiding. I wonder if my baby is, still inside of me, I tried with all my strength to protect my baby I covered my stomach by wrapping my arms and hands protectively around my stomach and curling myself in to a small ball but I don't, think it was enough. "Baby I am so sorry that I failed you" dad apologizes and he is crying and he is making me cry too, I can feel the tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. I'm sorry too dad I really fucked up "I promise you that I'm going to fix our broken father and, daughter, relationship and I'm going to make your aunt and her boyfriend pay sweetheart" dad's voice sound, deadly and furious "I know you are pregnant ... Hearing those words coming out of dad's mouth makes my heart beat faster and the machines beeping crazy "Hey, hey sweetheart relax I'm not mad at you calm down" dad says, soothingly, I can feel him hovering over me his mouth are at, the side of my face I can feel his breath on my skin. Hearing him say that he is not mad at me calms my heart and breathing down. "That's it honey calm down you safe now and the baby is fine, I love you sweetheart a baby or no baby it wouldn't have stopped me from loving you less" I wanna say something say thank you anything but my damn body are to slow for my brain. "I can't believe that I am going to be a grandpa at my age" dad says with a laugh in his voice he sounds happy not what I expected. I expected anger, disappointment, disgust and resentment but everything is the opposite of what I thought was going to happen. I was expecting to be thrown out on the streets be discarded as trash disowned but it doesn't seem like it's going to be the way I imagined it.

"We are going to sit down and talk father to daughter when you wake up and are totally well and healed up. I want, to know, why, you didn't, tell me about Nora abusing you. Am a such a tyrant a monster that you, my own daughter are afraid of coming to me with, her problems? And now I feel really guilty dad are blaming himself but, the real truth is I was a coward to tell him about Nora and the pregnancy. I kept stalling the inevitable it was going to happen one way or another I guess I was afraid of dad's response mostly of my pregnancy. I was afraid he would force me into an abortion or shunned me from his house and my siblings that is the real truth. Is not fair that he blames himself, for what has happened it wasn't dad's fault. It was crazy Nora who was beating me ill treated me as if I had leprosy. It was my choice to have sex with Ryan dad wasn't, there and kept a vigil while I was doing it. It was all me, every choice I made was me I decided insisted actually that I wanna move in with Nora, again it was my choice.

"I want you to be happy honey and I want you safe, especially now that you're pregnant" dad says pulling me from, my self loathing thoughts he is really not mad at me, I can't believe it "Julie is excited too, she has already started planning a room for the baby the woman is crazy about her grandma status" Why does dad sound so happy? Maybe I died and I am in heaven or in hell where I belong. And Julie excited and happy? Because she is going to be a grandma? I must be in some freaking high level dimension caught up in a twilight zone or something. Or did my family drink some magical happy juice that I don't know about. I feel dad's hands resting lightly on my stomach and I feel a tremble in my body he is very affectionate and caring. I never knew dad could be loving and gentle and why would I know, what kind of man dad is? I've hated him for most of my life. "I swear it little one grandpa is going to take good care of you and your mother" dad vows with conviction in his voice and finality and this time I believed him.