I chewed my nails, watching people dance around in such a crowded space to blaring music. My head was consumed by anxiety that I began to have a hard time breathing. I quickly ran into the nearest bathroom, taking deep breaths as I stared at my reflection. I felt like breaking down into tears but I tried to resist. I dragged my nails across my skin of my wrist in a rough manner. I did it once more, the hardest I could.
"Gun? I saw you run in here. You alright?" I heard Kwang's voice from the other side of the door.
I felt my arm tingle, making me look down to see that I drew blood. I stood up, shaking in fear,"Kwang..h-help.."
I unlocked the door, shakily as she busted through to see my bleeding and irritated arm.
She looked like she was going to cry,"It's okay.." She wrapped her arms around me tightly, looking at my wrist that consisted of faded self-inflicted scars and the new wound along with the redness around it.
She grabbed a wrap, putting it around my bleeding arm once she finished cleaning the already exposed blood away.
Kwang rolled my sleeve down,"Just come to my room if you're done helping Harit and Oat out."
I nodded,holding back the tears from before. She grabbed my hand gently and took me up to her room. It was alot quieter in her room than the rest of the booming and crowded house. I sat on her bed,feeling tears start to fall down my face. I pushed my hair back roughly in anger and sadness.
"I'm sorry. I'm a nuisance to all of my friends. I don't see why you hang out with me? Why does Off even claim that he loves me? Why do people care if I want to die? It's not their life nor their choice. Why-"
I was cut off my Kwang pressing her soft pink lips against mine.
I sat there in shock as her eyes connected with mine,"Want to know why we care if you die? It's because we love you. No matter how much you believe we don't. If you want to die then go ahead. Just know you're so fucking selfish to do so. If you die, you may be set free but not your friends and family. We are stuck with this huge amount of sinking guilt. We wonder if we were the reason you killed yourself and how we could've treated you better. We sit here in agony and the constant thought that someone who kept us happy is gone. It's sickening thinking of you being gone. I would end up being a selfish piece of shit too by killing myself just in hope that I could see you again." She spoke as tears streamed down her now pink cheeks.
I wrapped my arms around her,letting her sob loudly while I silently cried along with her.
