I woke up. At first everything felt normal, like last night had just been a bad dream an I had just woken up from it. But it wasn't a dream nor a nightmare. It was all real. Slowly the pain in my leg started to appear again. And all last nights memories came back to me. The pain, the heartbreak, my suffering, and that last words. I LOVE YOU, FORGIVE ME, JUST DON'T DIE, JUST KEEP FIGHTING. I couldn't place the voice that I heard with those words, after I knew what he wanted from me I couldn't imagine him saying those words. He couldn't have possibly said so. He betrayed me, he made me feel worthless. I hated him for that. I was in a hospital. The walls were painted in that horrible pink color that made you feel sick. The typical hospital smell invaded my nose trills. I was in an individual room with a TV, some coaches, and a balcony. I was in the bed. A clear liquid was passing through the catheter.I hated those things. This wasn't my first time in this hospital, actually it all seemed very familiar now. The walls, the head ache, not knowing what happened until Dr. Anderson came and told me that something was wrong, and then I would remember why I was here. The only different thing was that now my leg also hurts like hell.
I am in the Santa Monica Hospital. It is a special hospital were they treat people like me. I have visited this hospital since I was ten. Almost every year I have comed here expecting good news, expecting for my life to be different, to finally feel normal. But every year the same disappointment and anger invade me, and deep inside of me I know that things will never change for me.
The room is empty, there is no one in here except from me. I call the nurse and a wave of pain shoots through my arm, I must have hit it hard when I came home. The nurse entered and I asked for mi parents. She said they were in the cafeteria, that she would call them immediately. So I told her to come with them back and she left the room. While I was alone I started to have flashbacks, I started to remember. All the pain, all the suffering, all the anger that I had felt. Not only that but also the good moments that I had with him, every thing, every single moment, every memory I hand about him came back to me in a flashback. Before I even knew it I was crying like hell. Normally I never cry, I don't like to show any kind of weakness, and I believe that crying is one of them. Never in my life had gotten that kind of anger and pain. And I never wanted to feel it again. Most of my life has been full of pain, but I had never felt lie this before, not even when death was an inch of distance away. I had never been betrayed like this, specially not from someone I cared so much for. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before. It all seemed very clear to me now. He never acted weird or anything, it was just the way he kept asking questions about myself, about my life, about my past.
While I am cleaning my tears away the door opens and my mother's head pops into the room, her eyes are swollen, it looks like she has been crying a lot.
OF COURSE SHE HAS YOU IDIOT, MAYBE YOU WILL NOT EVEN WALK AGAIN. SHE WALKED INTO YOUR ROOM AND SHE SAW YOU LIEING ON THE FLOOR ALL COVERED IN BLOOD. OF COURSE SHE CRIED.
-"Hi, how are you feeling sweetie?" Her voice sounded tired, she had a very sweet voice.
-"I'm feeling a bit better thanks" my voice sounded horse and dry.
The question that was itching at the back of my head since I woke up finally could be answered by someone. I didn't want her to be the one to tell me. She was so fragile. If the answer to my question wasn't the expected one I knew for sure that she will cry. I don't want her to suffer, but there is no other way. Even if the answer to my question is the worst I will still fight,I will never stop.
-"So tell me what is it now? Should I wait for the doctor to ask, or are you okay to answer me?"
-"Whatever you want to know sweetie I will try my best to answer."
-"So will I live or die?"
