I Ran Over my Mate! BWWM (First Draft!!!)

[16]: Hurting

My heart was thumping to another beat. My body was screaming in protest at what I was trying to do. My mind was subjected to a tunnel visioned orientation that was set to one goal. I couldn't believe what I was trying to do, but I had to do it for it all to make sense.

I cry out in angst as my bones contort in protest. It was a strange feat that I was trying to accomplish seeing as I had always thought I was human. Guess nobody ever really knows what they are if it's hidden from them.

My body begins its semi-familiar tract of shifting. It's like the shift was always there, dormant and hidden, until it was the right moment for it to make an appearance. The feeling of my body morphing into something that I've never even dreamt I'd be was exhilarating in a way. Being a mythical creature that humans thought were a figment of the mind that some random guy came up with on a whim. But to me, now they were real. Now they were normal and an everyday occurrence that would come to me naturally.

But the thing is, how could I be so carefree with finding out that my whole life has basically been a lie?

When I had gotten to the lake, I immediately started screaming obscenities to no one in particular. It was just a way to vent out all of my feelings to somehow free my body of the nasty emotions that were never meant to be there. All I wanted was to just wish I hadn't existed. It would have been easier on everyone, especially with the way Ian seems to think I'm probably just a nuisance that he'd unfortunately been fated to be with to further his pack.

I clench my teeth to keep from hollering out my distress and alerting anyone to my location. If I wanted to be left alone to think about all the trouble I've caused, then I couldn't have another person to remind me of my failure to bring any good to anyone around. They would just muck everything up and make me want to jump into the lake with a cinder block tied around my ankle.

The Shift, or whatever they call it, hurt like there's no tomorrow and then there was constant reminder of my healing shoulder. It was like a slap to the face with a hot coal as it cracked even more and tried to shift along with the other bones. However, it wasn't working as I cried out in my sweaty agony as it brought even more pain than the fall did to change.
I sigh, defeated and weary. Finding out what my wolf really looked like was hopeless. It was like I was too weak to even keep myself together. I was Luna to a pack of wolves and I couldn't even shift again.

It was embarrassing.

Scooting away from the patch of earth I'd been lying in, I move toward the edge of the lake. I don't know what force urged me to get to that hole full of reflective water. It was like the water was calling to me or something, but that would be crazy... right? Just a sick joke of the imagination with all the emotions bubbling in me right now? I could possibly just be going insane for all I cared.

But that didn't stop me from making it to the lake's edge. And it surely didn't stop me from leaning over and looking at my reflection. A noise between a gasp and screech was drawn out of my mouth. The image I saw before me was... it was hard to explain.

On one side, the image set before me didn't seem like it was me. It looked as if it was another girl... a beast if you may. Just the way her eyes seemed to search back in a wild a frantic manner, almost animalistic and crazed. The red puffiness of her eyes also adding to the crazed look. Even her hair was a beeping mass of tangles and dark curls surround her face like a mane. A mane that showcased her prowess and inner beast.

On the other, if you looked beyond the craziness of her appearance, there was also a hidden beauty. The essence that she oozed calling for everyone's and everything's immediate attention. She was like an Amazonian woman with the way she balanced her character to bring out the wild beauty. Hidden in her wild honey eyes was the rush and adrenaline of the unknown. But their was also the swirl of sadness that tainted the pure beauty. She was beautiful in all her wild sadness.