A Life Story

Part Two

It was with my Dad, Peggy, Haileigh, and Zoe that I endured my first panic attack. I had never been to a theme park before, or if I did, I don't remember. We were going to Six Flags. I was so excited. This would be where I was to ride my first roller-coaster, this is where I would spend quality time with my dad. As soon as we reached Six Flags, I started to feel in a way that I had never felt before. I remember walking through the gate to the theme park and thinking to myself there is no way I'm going to survive this. Something about the sound, the smell, and the roller-coasters flying above me made me uneasy. I wanted to go home, but still, I sucked it in. I tried to pretend that everything was okay, even though my skin was sweating, my heart was beating faster than ever, and everything inside me was shaking, I went on the first ride. I instantly knew this was a terrible idea, I clung to Zoe's hand tightly as the machine twisted and turned beneath me. Over the noise, I could hear her asking me if I was okay, but the anxiety kept my mouth shut.

I don't know how, or why it happened, but after that ride, that one moment in my life where I felt that I needed to fly away the most, I was never the same. That day was supposed to be fantastic, but instead it was spent with my Dad carrying me around the park, watching eagerly as all the people around him had fun, whilst he just carried me. He said the nicest thing ever to me on this day, he told me "I've felt the same way as you do today ever since I was a kid.". Maybe I should've listened to my Dad back then, maybe I should've paid more attention to the truth that he was telling me: Once that switch is on, it will never ever be flipped off again.

After the first grade, school got even harder for me. Drake and I no longer shared the same teacher, and I never saw him around school. I no longer had any of my old friends, and at this point I was no longer brave enough to make new ones. Fear was imprinted in me everytime I opened my mouth, this is how I became scared:There was a girl in my grade, her name was Madison. I don't know why, but she had made a game out of making me feel terrible. On some days, she was very kind to me, and acted in a way that made me feel like she really liked me, but soon, she would spill out every ounce of my secrets to everyone in our class, and mock me. I had never met anyone quite this mean. I was so alone, but too young to know what this meant.

I was perfectly okay with not having any friends, but I guess my Mom wasn't because one day she came home from work with a girl from my grade, named Baileigh. I knew Baileigh well, as Madison had often told me very bad things about her, such as the fact that she picked her nose, or that she kissed her dog once. I was very mad at my Mom for bringing her home. What would Madison think if she found out? I decided it was best to at least make an effort, afterall, Madison was mean to her awell. Maybe she needed a friend too. As it turned out, me and Baileigh had a lot of the same interests. We both had five dogs, which we adored greatly, and we both liked four-wheelers. By the night of that first day together, she had became my best friend, and we were already planning our next weekend together.

At school that week, I was okay again. I didn't have to talk to Madison anymore because I had Baileigh. Baileigh, the dog girl who knew everything about me.

It had been a few weeks after I met Baileigh when I suddenly fell sick. Nausea began to fill my days up, to the point as to where I was so exhausted I could not even open my eyes. The doctors said that I was running out of stomach fluids, and if I didn't eat, my stomach would flip. Incase you didn't understand what I just told you: I would die if I didn't eat. This was an immense challenge, I was too weak to hardly lift an arm. My mom offered me food, but I would just cry because I was too weak to even chew my own food. I hurt so bad. I was vomiting in my sleep, I couldn't stand I couldn't do anything. This was the first time I ever wanted to die, and to this day I can still remember this feeling: I felt like a had a choice. I felt like I could choose if I lived or died. There was something inside of me that sparked, and I wanted to join it. This sounds dramatic; I know that, but sometimes I feel like I should've taken that chance. When it gets tough, I think about those two miserable weeks of living and sleeping in my own vomit. I think about how my step-dad picked me up, and I couldn't even hold myself up, I was dead weight. I was so close to death. I, of course, didn't die. If I had died, I wouldn't be here, writing this. I'm betting you're very curious as to what nearly killed me. Was it a virus? Was it some kind of stomach failure?

My answer is simple, it was tomatoes. Little did any of us know, or think about, the day before I began vomiting, my mother had brought home cartons full of tomatoes. I love tomatoes. That same day, I devoured ten tomatoes. Also on that day, we were holding a party to celebrate the Tennessee Vols playing that afternoon, even with all these people around; all these grown ups, no one noticed the nine year old running around with a highly acidic fruit every few minutes. Odd, I know, but the doctor's orders were simple, and very clear: Riley was not to have any more tomatoes for a few months.

When I returned back to school, things seemed to be looking up for me. I had Baileigh, my newfound best friend, and now it seemed like I had Drake as well. After years of dropping obvious hints and beating around the bush, he had asked me out. The problem was this though: We weren't in class together, and Drake didn't have a phone yet, so we only talked about twice a week. Which hurt, but gave me something to look forward to everyday. Our conversations were simple and easy, but they meant a lot to me. He helped me sculpt into who I am now by being so talkative, and he made me very happy in a place where I could've been very sad.

Our time together lasted about five months. It ended softly, but it still hurt. Drake was moving away from me, and there was nothing i could do to fix it. We did try being together a little longer after the move, however found it much easier to end things. Drake's father had gone to jail, and there wasn't enough money floating around to pay the phone bills, so I rarely ever heard from him. Drake faded out of my life very quickly, but he never left my mind.