I feel small. Not just because I'm 5'0, but because I'm a girl. Because I'm me. I feel small in this world like I've got no purpose, you know? Like why am I here. I'm useless, and dull, I'm anything but what a person wants in their life, so seriously. Why?
I question everything,maybe that's why I'm so anxious all the time. I don't know. I'm not a genius. I can't even figure out a simple algerbra equation . But people expect me to love it, because I'm Asian....that damn card. The "you're Asian" card. Just because I am Asian does not mean that I'm a genius, but because I am Asian it means I have that pressure forced down on me. I never asked for this. I panic when my grade in under a 88% because when it's something under I get the
"You're better than this" what if I'm not, what if I just don't understand. What if I'm struggling to do my worth, to focus, to breath. I can't even focus on my class room, the smallest noises can drive me crazy. My head aches and my heart pounds so fast, I'm afraid it may jump out. I am not better than this.
I don't know how to do this. But you always expect me too. Because "I'm me." I don't like me. The reason I don't is because I don't know who I am! I don't like who I am because it's not me, it's an illusion of what people have me to believe is me. But if this person I act like was truly me, wouldn't I be happy? Wouldn't I not hate every single move I made for once in my life maybe. I don't know, maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn't. All we long for as people is happiness. I believe everyone has a right to it.
But no, I am small and overlooked. I don't get what you get,because I'm different. I don't get what they get, because I am petite and weak.
I am small and nothing to you. Because you look beyond my problems and continue on with your own. Thank you.
