Death Sleep ~ Book Three

five.

In the morning Leslie awoke. She sighed happily, not remembering where she was. Without opening her eyes she reached for her husband, and felt nothing. Snapping her eyes open, she saw the opulent room that they had shared the night before, and memories crashed down on her. Tears flowed heavily and she felt nauseous. She knew it was already done and there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't bother running out to ask. She rolled over and breathed in deeply her husband's scent on the satin pillow. She ached inside in a way she had never felt before, and she wasn't certain she would ever be able to make it stop.

Sadly, she opened her eyes again and saw on the small table beside the bed an envelope. She crawled over to it and saw her name written in her husband's handwriting. Her hand shaking, she reached over and picked it up. She held her husband's pillow close as she opened the envelope and read the letter inside.

"My Love,

You came to me tonight. You held me so closely that I did not want to continue to breathe. For, to breathe, would mean that time would pass, bringing us closer to our separation. To stay in your arms, safe and warm, it would be heaven. I wish that you could come again, that may once again be joined in passion that burns ever so brightly.

I long to hold you in my arms. To feel you, smell you, touch you. It is pure intoxication. To fill my world with your sweet essence and charge my soul with your electricity pushes the boundaries of sanity to the brink.

Already, I miss your kisses. Your lips pressed to mine send exquisite shocks through my entire being. My love, I will always be with you. You will always be in my mind and my heart.

As I go to battle to keep you and our daughter safe, beg of you to remember me and keep me close. Do not forget me. I am forever yours. There is none other like you and you are irreplaceable. Forgive that I have to leave you and our daughter. Understand that I go to keep you both safe.

Forever your love,

Lance"

Leslie rolled back over and buried her face in his pillow. This was unbearable. Many days passed with Leslie never leaving her room. Food was brought, but other than that, she was left undisturbed. She couldn't bear to go and see her husband attached to machines and lying there, unaware of her.

Three weeks passed before Leslie was able to gather herself together enough to rejoin a world lacking her husband. She finally emerged and was greeted by the General in record time. The man's face was drawn and strained and full of sorrow for her. She smiled weakly at him as he led her to a private room.

"How are you holding up?"

"I suppose that I shall live. I must, I have a daughter and a husband to live for, although it doesn't feel like it."

The General nodded.

"We have been circulating the story that will surround your husband's disappearance. Are you ready for this?"

"I think I'm more ready than I realized I would be. I truly am in mourning, I won't have to act."

"The story is that you took a second honeymoon in Alaska. There was an avalanche and your husband was killed rescuing a child that had been trapped outside."

Leslie smiled wanly.

"He did...does love to ski."

The General paused and looked at Leslie sympathetically.

"We can hold off a little longer if you need to."

Leslie shook her head.

"Now is the time, when I'm feeling it the most."

"Funeral arrangements have been made. It will be a closed casket with a weighted casket so no one will suspect that it's empty. Is there anything in particular that you would like to have done?"

"Can we do a sweetheart headstone? Although he's not dead, I want to always be with him in some manner."

The General nodded.

"Anything you like. We'll have a book brought in for you to choose from. Everything will be arranged exactly as you like, just say the word."

Numbly, Leslie nodded. She hated talking about him as if he were really dead. She would go through the motions, but there would always be this hole where she knew her husband belonged and a longing that made that hole just a little darker. It was one thing to have a spouse die knowing that they have gone to some other plane of existence where they would be happy. But to know that she had sent him to the devil, and willingly, it was killing her.

The funeral ended up being a beautiful affair. All her and her husband's family and friends showed up with so many wonderful things to say about him. Liza wandered around enjoying all the cooing and attention she received. The only problem came at the actual service.

The service was graveside. Chairs had been set up but there were a lot of people standing since there was no way to have enough chairs for this many people. Leslie sat at the front with Liza in a chair beside her.

"Why is everybody upset, mommy? Daddy isn't actually dead, he's just sleeping," Liza said loudly. Leslie's heart stopped. They had explained things to Liza but hadn't thought she truly understood. Now, she realized that she had understood perfectly. Her mother intervened before Leslie was able to think of what to say.

"Honey, your daddy is gone, he just looks like he's sleeping, but he's not."

"No, he's sleeping. Mommy, tell her. Daddy isn't dead. We can go see him."

Leslie heard several people suck in their breaths and whisper small cries of pity for the little girl that didn't understand that her daddy was dead, and she was relieved that they took what she said for that.

"Shh, baby, not now."

"But everybody is so sad, mommy. They don't need to be sad."

It was at this moment that Leslie truly wished she hadn't taught her daughter to speak more clearly.

"We'll talk later, ok? Please, hush right now and we'll sort it out later."

Liza furrowed her brow, but didn't protest any further. Later, at the wake, Liza was taken upstairs by Leslie's mother, who firmly believed the girl was just mourning and needed some time away from the crowd.

The day passed as if Leslie hadn't come out of dream world. Her heart ached at the lie she had to tell and at her husband not being there. She wondered what he was dealing with at that moment, but then pushed it out of her mind before she went insane with worry. She knew it had to be bad and that what she was feeling was probably no where near as bad as what he was going through. She would bear this for him and she would bear it well. She was just grateful that everyone mistook her sadness for mourning.