"How can I save us?" - Brusnop

Chapter - 30 -

A/N: chapter 30! I didn't think it would be so long! I hoped so though ;3 i'm committed to this story! There's some drama here, I'm crying over it idek

Sorry I didn't update it yesterday I was too fucking drunk to think. Sorry...?

Ouh and a third sorry if Ben seems bipolar in this chapter I didn't mean it xD

My breath was stuck in my lungs. I dropped to my knees and felt weak in my stomach. Danny's head laid on the ground, his eyes were opened and looking at my actions but he didn't seem to be amused, shocked. He was like paralyzed. I slid my arm under his head and brought it to my lap.

"Danny say something!" I begged. "Do you need hospital?!"

No response,

"Danny please!" I shook him violently. "Fucking... I'm calling an ambulance!" I almost cried, searching my back pockets for phone. I felt a move on my lap. I looked down.

"Danny?"

He shook his head 'no.'

"Are you kidding me?!" I shouted at him.

"Don't." He whispered heavily. "I'll...." He did an endless pause. "Be fine." Another pause. "Few minutes." He closed his eyes like saying these few words were the hardest thing to do.

I sat there for minutes that seemed to last forever. Finally he opened his eyes and his breathing fastened up to normal. I petted his head, still panicking. He just looked at me with pain in his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said, finally. I let out a sigh of relief and he slowly sat up. He raised his hand a little, wanting to hug me but I backed away.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" I screamed a him. He looked down and hung his head low.

"Ben, I'm sorry..."

"I don't give a shit about your worthless 'sorry'!!!!! You always do that! Say 'sorry' and think everything's fine!!! I can't cope with things anymore, Danny!!!!" I screamed on top of my lungs, losing it.

"What are you talking about...?" He asked quietly. I almost broke up with tears.

"You're born to be a cheat, selfish, liar, who says 'sorry' in the most beautiful way!" My voice cracked to quiet but it was still harsh and the coldest I had. "You get what you want every fucking time or give hope and leave a shell of a man I used to be." I got up and looked down at Danny, bowling my fists.

"I need you, Ben, please..."

"I know you do." I said as the bitter ran through my throat. "Sober up and make up your twisted mind." I turned around and walked out of the bus. I turned around the closest building, backed the wall and let my tears run as I slid down to hit the ground.

I cried like a little kid.

What a selfish prick I am...

He needed me and I could care only about how he hurt me. But he did. It was too much. He acted like a douchebag, didn't want to tell me what was going on and then I find him doing heroin when we promised we won't!

I don't understand...

I sobbed, hiding face in my hands, knees pulled up to my chest.

"Why did you do this...." I cried to myself. I felt like a child. But all these months of bitter, awful love cumulated on the back of my throat.

I'm not getting over him. At all. What a fucking failure.

I opened my eyes and looked at the wet spots on the ground between my legs. Marks of pain that dry, fade away.