Monotonic Sadness

IM DEAD

I'm a girl who no one understands I get
Hurt badly by my own blood
It's hurting
I'm hurting its hard not show weakness
Because I know if u do its only
Gonna make it worse
I searched many times what does
It feel like to be dead
I guess i will never know till I am
It's like when I look at myself I see this girl
Who is just a waste of space
an empty shell
Of who she she used to be
I wanna be happy but i can't
Because I know it won't last long
My tears don't only show in water
But in blood too
My blood is dripping
It's like a red waterfall the thick liquid is beautiful
I always wondered how will I die
By suicide
Which is most likely
Or murder
Or a drunk driver
Anything to be gone would be okay
I know my parents will grieve for a year or 2
My friends will find a new replacement
My baby brother won't remember me
My older brothers will be glad I'm not here
The don't understand the eagerness to be dead
They don't know
It's like u in a desert and u thirsty
But my thirst is to be dead to be seen dead
I won't regret it at all
I never will
I'm gonna be dead soon
I wanna leave thus letter behind
Because I know it will only prove to the rest of the world
That
I
Am
Dead

I always was