The Thumpows

Chapter 1: Arrival

Ever since the crime wave began, I've barely seen my other team members. While they often seem annoyed by my constant talking and overreacting, I believe that deep down inside, they do love me. We have all been really busy lately, taking down crooks in different parts of the country. I remember my first assignment all too well. We had received word from an anonymous source that a notorious criminal named Salty Steve was planning on robbing the world renowned Infamous Historical Crimes Museum in the town of Turkey Smite, Tennessee. Before I left, I was given an old walkie-talkie by Randrew. "I can't afford new technology, so take this to keep in touch" he told me. And so, I was off.

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I wasn't the best of spirits on the drive down. One reason being that the rest of the team members were sent to places that I believed sounded much, much nicer. Ralexis had to go to a place called "Pleasantville" for crying out loud!!
Another reason was that the drive was long and boring. The most "fun" I had was counting all the things that I could've passed by, but didn't. By the time I finally made it to the hotel I would be staying at, I was in such a bad mood, I didn't even care about the mission.
"Why me?" I asked myself as I got out of my car. All of my stress suddenly disappeared as I stepped foot in the hotel lobby. Everything was elegant and fancy. There was a man playing a piano and chandeliers on the ceiling. It was like Heaven. After I checked in, I noticed that there was even a flavored water dispenser near the elevators. After getting a drink of mango flavored water, I proceeded to step into the elevator to my room. My room was at the 19th floor, second from the top. At only the second floor, however, the elevator stopped. When the door opened a large group of fat, shirtless, sweaty men piled into the elevator. "Don't mind us", one of the men told me. "We've just finished our exercises in the gym and are now going to the rooftop pool."
The elevator was huge, meaning everyone could get on. I was pushed to the main back of the elevator car. After the doors closed, two things became quite apparent. One, it smelled like the inside of a cow's rectum in there, and two, I was going to be with them the rest of the ride. After what felt like hours, the doors opened to my floor. I was in the back, so I had to squeeze around each grotesque figure, noticing the sweat oozing from out each layer of flab on the nasty bodies of these leviathans.
After I found my room, I sighed and opened the door, only to find a mop bucket and cleaning supplies. I realized then that I was given the keys to the janitor's closet.
I definitely did NOT want to go back down the elevator, so I found a random hotel room door and kicked it down. Unfortunately, inside was a little child. "Are you my daddy? I thought you weren't coming back, you backstabbing alcoholic!!!" he cried. I quietly shut the door.
After acquiring another key, I finally got a nice hotel room. After lying on the bed for a long time, I realized... wasn't I supposed to be trying to catch a criminal? Quickly, I left the hotel (but not before grabbing another drink of flavored water).