So everyone now knows I'm a demiboy, but I haven't always identified like that.
I have only been really questioning my gender for about 1 or 2 years but even before then something felt... wrong? Not that obvious I just knew that all the other little girls were talking about their princes and how they seemed more confident wearing pretty dresses.
My mum says when I was little I insisted I had a penis. She tried to tell me differently, but nope! Lil wee Ash believed it with all their heart. And one day apparently I was sad, and I told my mum "I don't have a penis" she then asked "How did you figure that out?" And I told her that my childhood friend, let's just call him Nick, showed me his and I didn't have one of those.
I don't fully remember how I feeled back then, that was AGES ago, but I hated dresses and skirts.
My mum told me that putting me in a dress was one of the hardest things to do because I refused and if you managed to get it on I got it dirty instantly so it got taken off.
I used to only really like one skirt, which was rainbow (haha foreshadowing in real life) and flowy. While I didn't exactly like the feeling of the skirt I loved the colours and I twirled a lot in it. The only other dress I would wear was a black and white spotty dress with a pink ribbon around the waist. We got it for a wedding and I wore it twice, once for the wedding and once for picture day because it was the only formal/nice thing to wear, I only got rid of it in the middle of 2016 and the last time I wore it was 2014 (maybe 2013).
Here we cut to 2015, year 7, the first time I labeled myself with something that wasn't cis and the time I found out more about the lgbtq community.
This is the year I met my best friend and spiritual brother, Adam.
Around the end of that year I came out to Adam as genderfluid, which I identified as at the time. I am in no way Implying genderfluid is a stepping stone to identifying as a "proper" gender as it is a valid and completely understandable gender identity, it was just a stepping stone in my personal journey.
I felt mostly masculine and genderless but when some songs come on I felt very feminine so I was too scared to step outside of that territory.
Adam didn't really take it seriously, he heard me out and stuff but he didn't adjust to calling me they/them, which was understandable.
Around the beginning of 2016 I started getting more involved with the online lgbtq community and I started questioning if I was agender, I felt the way the unwritten rules said you should feel with that identity, genderless.
I then started using the label Agender until the end of 2016 when something felt weird. From there I used the label Demigender for around two weeks, this is when I started binding using sports bras.
Around Christmas 2016 I discovered the term demiboy and I started identifying with that label. It made sense to me and I felt more comfortable with that label then any other label.
I'm very masculine but I still have moments when my femininity shows.
For example when candy store comes on you bet I become Heather Chandler and I sass the fuck out of Veronica and dance along
Now Im registered at my school as Ash and one friend even calls me Ashton, my online friends have helped the most out of anyone though.
So a moment to highlight them now, thank you, you four know who you are and you've helped the most, others have helped a bit here and there but you guys have helped so so much and I'm so thankful.
Ive ordered my binder on AliExpress last week, it may not fit but my mum only wanted to get it from there as it's cheaper. If it doesn't fit she said she'll buy a new one.
More often then not it isn't all that great and I feel sick and I need to scratch because of the body I was born in.
Like the time with my Japanese teacher, but I'll go over that in another chapter.
I think this is it for this chapter, have a good week guys, gals and non-binary pals and I'll see you when I next update!
Feel free to requests topics to talk about and my messages are always open!
