chap 4 'Home'

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Hey guys and gals! before we head into this chap I have to add a trigger warning, so if you're easily triggered I will add a little summary of the chap at the end! [Self harming] [Negative thoughts] [Self hatred]


Looking around I find I'm not where I usually am, "huh? where am I?" I say out loud, " you're are home. Your TRUE home" someone called out "My what? What's going on? Who are you?!" I ask the voice. 'this is a female's voice' I thought to myself "you, my dearest, have been brought back here, your home, and I, I am your new mother" in that moment my heart dropped 'new mother? where's error? where am I? why is this happening to me?' I cry out for closure, for somebody, anybody, to tell me where I am, to tell me what I'm doing here, but alas, nobody came.

[{ f l a s h b a c k }]

I start to sing out loud only to find someone staring at me, I slightly laugh as it turned out to be error, I seemed to be dozing off on his shoulder until he wakes me. He kisses me and then we teleport to his anti-void and he shows me the different types of sans's, he notices me yawn and he snaps his fingers and a bed appears, telling me to sleep, and I happily comply with him as the darkness takes a hold of me.

[{ e n d    f l a s h b a c k }]

'what the?! that wasn't me... that never happened.. right? yeah..' I try to figure out what that was until the voice came again, "That was his past lover, he's only using you so that he can forget her, you see?" The voice- I mean, My new mother said sadly, "wh-what...?" My heart was shattered. He was just.. using me? Just so he could forget about that other.. woman?! If I wasn't already on my knees I would've fallen, but instead I use the ground to support me, grief and Jealousy washing over me, a horrid feeling Jealousy is, but it was unavoidable. After that I was back with error and blue, but I was forced to watch more horrid memories of error and that girl, I mentally beat myself up for loving error the way I did, I didn't even realise I loved him before this but now it was plain for all to see, and I hated it. I hated her. I hated life. I hate everything. But I hid it all. Hiding behind a mask that no one seemed to know was there. Not even blueberry. The only thing that I would ask myself was, 'when will someone notice my pain...?' I haven't eaten a thing. I refused to go anywhere but stay in the blinding white imprisonment I called 'home' and as time went by any time I got alone was dedicated to slitting my wrists with a crafting knife I found lying around the ONE time I went to an AU with error. I hid it. Like I hid my true thoughts and feelings. More time passed and I was suddenly dating DanceTale Sans of Dance for short, he was a flirt and even when we were together  he flirted with others, I still loved error but hated him at the same time. When reality caught up with me once more I looked at all the cuts I had going up and down my arms and legs then I looked to Dance who asked another girl out, I looked at him, betrayed as everything else that had happened was a complete blur, I went up to Dance and practically hugged him, the feeling of being watched burning into the back of my head, "Dance?" I asked "Woah you speak!" He looked completely taken aback by my soft voice, "Yes, I do, but I want to ask you something." I said sternly, "yeah? ask away" He said carefree, I gripped him more firmer and started to cry, "Who was that you asked out? I thought WE were a couple." He started shaking as I brung out the knife, "sh-she was a-a girl that I thought w-was hot.." He said shakily, as I raised the knife higher I plunged it down at Dance but I was then stopped by a black boned skeleton, "Huh..?" I looked at that skeleton with a questionable look, "wh-who are you...?" I asked him, "my name? oh, well I'm PaperJam! or Pj for short! I'm the son of Ink and Error!" He laughed a bit, not knowing that now I was having a panic attack as he held my arm, Dance had teleported away, and all I could think of is 'can I die now..?' My body started to move on it's own as I pulled my arm out of Pj's grip and brought out my soul, he knew not what I was about to do, "huh? what are you doi- woah.." He stared at my dull grey soul as it would flash different colours without warning, "w-what are you going to do now? Please don't hurt anyone!" Pj squeaked, but what I did was the complete opposite, instead of hurting someone else I stabbed my soul as it cracked badly, I cough out a lot of blood as I fall but being caught by Pj, even though he only heard about me from Error, he was crying for me me and trying to heal me, I- however, caught a glimpse of Error with an angry expression and then it turned to an alarmed/sad expression as he saw I didn't stab Pj. I expected to be dead but then I woke up with Ink, Error, Blueberry and Pj, along with two other skeletons. One was looking like a walking rainbow with star eye sockets..? and the other looked sad and gloomy with only one visible eye.socket.. thing. I got up just to be pushed down by Ink saying, "You shouldn't move just yet!" I nodded and started talking myself, "Why am I still alive?" Hearing this, everybody flinched badly, I looked at everyone again with dull (e/c) eyes, I looked at Error, utterly hurt, I looked at Ink, Jealousy not visible, but there, I looked at Pj, sadly smiling and at the two unknown skeletons with another sad smile, I then look at blue and nearly cry. Unable to hold it in, I start crying uncontrollably until I felt arms wrap around me, I look up just to hear Ink gasp along with Pj gasping and see Error hugging me, crying. "I'M SORRY Y/N! I WAS JUST USING YOU TO FORGET ABOUT KAYLA!!" Now it  was my turn to gasp, I started to cry heavily thinking to myself 'I'm such an idiot!! He never used me to forget someone else!! He used me to forget about me!'

"Now that you know yourself I can finally leave for now... I'll be coming back... later ciao!~"

(summary)

y/n was told the truth of why Error loved her and she started hate-loving Error until it all went blank to her, she started dating DanceTale sans as she self harmed and Dance had asked another girl out while dating y/n and that's when y/n came to her senses but has a heart-breaking realisation when she looks at the skeleton who stopped y/n from committing murder, It was Error and Inks son, PaperJam so then she brings out  her soul and stabs it, blueberry, Pj, Ink, Error and 2 other skeletons were waiting for y/n to wake up in the monsters hospital. Y/n forgets a little about everyone she knew except blueberry who was.. just there.. y/n realises that it was her past self who she came to hate for taking Error from her and she feels like a total idiot crying in Error's arms.


PHEW!!!!! Finally done! welp, ciao!!

Word Count: 1316

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