Hard 2 Love

Chapter 1

He took my hands and held them together behind my back with one of his large callused hands. He led me into the basement once again. Ordered me to sit in the same chair I always sit in when he had his flare ups. I did this for him. I did this because I love him. I watch him as He slips off his belt, the hard leather swings toward my face at record speeds. I stifle my scream. I look down and feel the tears fall silently.

"You need to keep him on this medicine, I told you once Harper!" The doctor slams the prescription bottle down on the counter.

"Dr. Brice, I tried. He won't take it. He thinks it makes it worse, I cant force him to eat it..."

"Why? What's he gonna do? Yell at you?" Dr. Brice had no idea what he would do to me.

I glance at my FitBit "I'm late for a meeting," I slip the bottle into my purse. "I will try doctor, thank you." I head out of the Wal-Mart Pharmacy and drive over to the therapist office. Lee and I each visited the therapist once a week. For different reasons.

I push open the glass doors of the therapist office to see Lee in the waiting room chairs. When he stands up and comes over to me, I cower out of habit, but he just hugs me. "I love you Harp, I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," I kiss his neck and head in to my appointment.

"Harper, darling, how are your bruises doing? When I talked to Lee today he said he was sorry,"

"Shara, you know he says that Every time," I drop my purse by the door and go sit down.

"And he means it Every time," she smiles. "Did you meet with Dr. Brice?"

I buried my face in my hands, "yes, she wants me to try this new medicine to calm his flare ups. But she doesn't understand. He won't eat them. And if I force him he... He... Ugh. This is so much I can't... I," I look up at Shara.

"Harper, you love him. I know you do. He has mental issues and you have known that since that first day. You need to do what Brice says. She is a mental diagnostic doctor, she knows what she's doing."

"But I obviously dont know what I'm doing! I'm engaged to my abusive, gorgeous, mean, sweet, insane boyfriend!" I gesture towards the door leading to the waiting room, where Lee sat awaiting my arrival. I lay my face in my hands again.

"Deep breaths. I want you to have him have two more meetings a week. Actually. Change that. Bring him everyday, at 10:30. He needs to know that you forgive him. He loves you more than you know."

I take a deep breath. "I will try, thank you Shara."

I head out and have Lee escort me out. I climb in the passenger seat. "Lee?"

"Yes baby?" He puts his hand on my thigh.

"Brice gave me some more medicine for you today, she thinks it will make your flare ups less common and much more layed back when they do happen."

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean no. I don't want the medicine. I will fix this without drugs!"

"Its not drugs, Lee! Its medicine!"

"Medicine that I could get addicted to. Baby, I dont want to keep hurting you but-"

"But what?!? Is and addiction more of a priority than your girlfriend? You whip me!"

"I know what I did, baby. I'm sorry. Stay calm, or I will have a flare up." He turns into our driveway. And pulls the truck to and abrubt stop. "Now help me unload these groceries sweetheart,"

As I put away the groceries in the kitchen, I hear Lee, "Harper."

"Yes, honey?"

"I want a kid."

"Do you really think you are stable enough for that? No. You are not! You can't take care of a child. Um You can even take care of your girlfriend!"

I hear him start to cry. I go around the corner and hug him. "Just try the medicine, for me, for the future kid."

"Two weeks. I will do it for two weeks and see what happens."

I sit down at the dining table, "can we try a month a baby?"

"I said two weeks!" He screams. He stands up and kicks over his chair. He storms out of the room and down the hall. I hear him slam something shut. He runs back out and hands me some skimpy lingerie. "Put these on!"

I do, without protest, knowing that would make it worse. He drags me to the bedroom, and let him do the work.