Hard 2 Love

Chapter 3

His hand grabbed the pill from my open hand like he hadn't eaten in years, aggressively. He throws it in his mouth and smiles.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"Weird? This is normal me... You know that..." He takes a step closer to me.

"No, I know "normal you". And this is not it."

"Well I don't know then,"

"I think you know very well what's going on Lee!" I push him away from me. "Stop being a fucking pussy and tell me! I'm done waiting for you! In done living on your terms! I just want what's best for you, but I cant do that if you wont just fucking talk to me. Tell me, what is going on?"

"Nothing." He walks out of the room.

Lee has now been on the new meds about one week. I can see a difference in him. He has not touched me in an aggressive way or mean way since we started the pill, but he seems to always be sneaking around everywhere. And I noticed the pill bottle dangerously low by the third day. I knew what this meant. But I couldnt face it. I keep telling myself that that is not what is happening, but I knew it was.

I walk down the dark, gloomy hall. Pictures line the walls, some have broken glass from many beatings in this hall way. I turn into the living room. I crawl into Lee's arms and we watch TV all afternoon.

I can smell the sweet aroma of his pill. I promised his mom, but if he won't admit it... What am I waiting for... He will never admit it. Maybe it won't impact him that much. Maybe we can ignore it, and it will be fine. Maybe I'm hillusinating and he is fine. Maybe I can hide the pills and it will all go back to normal. But what is normal? Whippings? Fights? Unwanted sex? Why can't I love someone like Chase? Why did he have to cheat on me? Then I wouldn't have blown every dime that I earned on meds and meetings for Lee. Then I wouldn't have scars hidden under these jeans and shirt. Then it would all be so different. Is that what I want? Who am I kidding. I don't have a fucking clue what I want.

A commercial comes on: If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction call the Addiction Hotline now. Addiction is a disease, dont let it-

Lee turns the TV off and turn Pandora on. Some old school country tunes float through the air as we dance around in circles, this is so nice. My head on his chest, my arms around the back of his neck. His hands on my hips, his chin on my head. This was a dream. We dance over to the lights, Lee dims them and I wish that it would stay like that forever, but soon enough, I feel the hot sun peeking through the window shades onto my bare back. I sit up and see Lee asleep on the couch. I look at my watch and freak out. I was going to be late for work.

I sneak into the cafe and see Karen is already here. I go sit down with her.

"Haper? How's Lee doing on that new medicine?" She sips her coffee.

I am frozen for a minute, "Good. He is doing SO great!"

"No signs of addiction?"

"Nope, nada, nothing," I am such a bad lier.

"..." She stares at me with her head slightly tilted. "Ok." She stands up and walks away.

"Uh, Karen?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Leave the coffee."

I get home to see Lee swallow quickly and resume to staring at the TV. "Holy shit Lee." I walk down the hall to our room.

"What?" He pokes his heads around the corner, "what babe?"

"Stop looking at me! I'm changing!"

"Nothing I haven't seen before." He comes closer. Holds my naked hips and kisses my from my lips to my chest and back up.

"Babe, I have to go get a new bottle of the pills for you. Ok?"

"Don't leave,"

"Sorry, I need to."

"Harper... This is the third bottle in 12 days. 1 bottle should have satisfied for 14 days. What's going on?"

"Nothing, what? No, nothing he's fine, doing great" I sweep the bottle into my purse.

"Then why is he consuming approximately 300 pills in a time where 100 pills should have done the job just fine?"

"Uhhh, I have to go... Now." I race out of Wal-Mart.

Soon, I hear my phone ringing. Shara.

"Hey what's up Shar?"

"How about you tell me that!"

"What?"

"300 pills?!? Are you eating them or is he... Addicted?"

"I... He...-" I hang up and drive home to find the pill bottle empty next to Lee on the couch. He is passed out. Suddenly I notice no movement in his stomach area. Is he breathing?

"Lee?" I smack him. "Lee!"

"Hello? Yes, mhm... Lee Conners. 3795 Hickory Drive.... He isnt breathing... I don't know... I was picking up a prescription and he was fine when I left then I came home and... Yes... Thank you so much... Hurry please... Thanks... Yes...."