Youtuber and Viner Imagines

Taylor Caniff Imagine

Dear Taylor,

I've been awake almost every night the past couple months thinking about you, wondering what your doing, where you've been, and if your coming back again. As hard as it is to say it... I miss you.

I've stayed up countless nights on end just reminiscing on our times we shared together. The all-nighters we pulled, the kisses we shared, and the laughs we have had. I still cry look at all the photos we took together and a lot of them I had to get rid of.

I remember one of them exactly how the day had gone. It was a picture of us kissing with cake all over our faces on my 17th birthday.

I had just blown my candles out and we had sang Happy Birthday. All meaning the "Magcon boys" and me. You told me to close my eyes and I fell for it, just like I fell for everything. You rubbed cake on my face and we all just laughed, including me. I then kissed you and got it all over your face and we spent the rest of the day hanging out. That was the best day of my life.

I remember everything like it was yesterday. Those were the days I was happy and alive. Now I just lay in bed all day wondering if your coming back, wondering if Im going to see you again because it's hard, its hard being without you. Even my mom has worried about me. I told her I was fine and Im positive she can see right through my lie.

She doesn't know how much it hurts to not see you but I know she tries to help. I want to thank her but I just don't have any motivation to do anything anymore, not even to keep our promise.

Remember when we were 11 and we had just started middle school? Everyone made fun of me that day and I went home crying. I was so sad I started to cut my wrists but nobody knew. You were the only person to actually care why I wore long sleeves and jackets all the time and why it hurt when you touched my wrists. I promised you I would stop. I kept that promise until the day you left. It hurts but not as much as the absence you left in my heart. Not as much as you being with anyone else but me...

I've seen pictures of you go around with this blonde chick and in each and everyone you looked happy. I want to say that is not who your new girlfriend is because I know it will break my heart. We never had an official break up when you left for Magcon and I feel like we will always be together, which is something we apparently aren't. Im pretty sure everyone in the fan base forgot about me anyways so it doesn't really matter.

Sometimes I feel like you are going to show up one day on my doorstep and tell me you love me and whisk me away on an adventure I know we will never have. I mean come on this isn't reality, its a dream, a dream that I have to wake up from and I'm not sure if I'm ready to. Im not sure if IM ready to wake up to face reality because in my dreams everything's perfect like how it should be... but it's not.

I want to say that a lot of the time I miss the boys too. How they would always cheer up my day when I'm sad and how we would do the craziest things together like pranking people in public and having paint wars. I miss those days, those days when we were silly teens without a care in the world. Now everyone is growing up and maturing and that is something I also don't want to accept.

I might as well make this end soon but I really don't want to. I want you to know how much I love you but words can't describe that. I really hope that you would comeback and do those things but again they are in my dreams. I truly wish you were here to cuddle me and tell me everything's going to be okay and we are going to have a happily ever after but we aren't. I have to face reality and you are just and obstacle in the way.

So for now this isn't a goodbye because a goodbye means forever. It's more of a see-you-soon, which I am hoping for, but we don't know what the future holds. Im going to let you go and be with whoever you want because I wasn't "the girl". I want you to he happy because when your happy Im happy. It's going to be hard to move on and that's something I'm willing to accept. Until next time Taylor.

Love,
Y/N