A Room for My Pretend Love

Panic Attack

Suki woke up with her heart racing and her breathing erratic. Sweat made her cold hands clammy while a familiar fear gripped her. She knew what was happening so she tried to sit up, but her body refused to move. Weary of fighting a losing battle, she lay there with her eyes closed and let the episode run its course.

Her panic attacks started when she was ten years old. Before then, she had a great life with everything a little girl could ever imagine - loving parents, great friends at school, and all the books she ever wanted! They even lived in a house of their own in a quaint, artsy community near the bay. Then one night, a loud noise jolted her awake. She went to find her parents at their bedroom, but they were not there so she went downstairs to check. At the time, the only thing she feared were monsters lurking in her closet. Surely, there were no monsters in the living room.

That was when she heard the sound of her mother crying. A cold chill suddenly swept up her body. She knew something was terribly wrong. Her mother never cried.

She ran to the kitchen, where the sound was coming from and stumbled upon a sight she never thought she would ever see in her life. Her mother was crouched by the sink with her hands covering her face while her father was kicking her over and over again. There was broken glass around them and the room had a strange smell. Later on, she learned it was the smell of whiskey.

"Dad?" she cried, horrified.

Both of her parents turned to look at her then. Her mother stood up and rushed towards her, paying no mind to the shards of broken glass wounding her feet along the way. She remembered her mother embracing her, shielding her from the sight of her father.

"Everything's okay, honey! Go back to bed," her mother said reassuringly.

She tried to pull away to catch a glimpse of her father. "Why was Daddy kicking you? What's wrong, Mommy?"

"Nothing's wrong. It's all a misunderstanding. Go back to bed." She nudged Suki towards the stairs.

Not wanting to upset her mother more, Suki started walking back to her bedroom. Upon reaching the top, she turned back and saw her father holding her mother by the hair saying over and over again, "This is all your fault!"

"Daddy, no!"

She screamed and tried to run towards them, but a sudden dizziness stopped her in her tracks. She couldn't breathe. She was falling.

The next time she opened her eyes, she was at the hospital with her mother fast asleep by her bedside.

"Mommy?"

"Suki!"

Her mother sat up, looking at her with worried eyes. She brushed the hair away from Suki's face and said, "How are you feeling, baby?"

"What happened, Mommy? Why am I at the hospital?"

"You fell down the stairs, darling, so you have to stay here for a bit."

Suki looked around. "Where's Daddy?"

"Daddy's at home."

She then held Suki's hand in hers and explained, "Listen, baby. Right now, Daddy's not feeling very well so we have to help him. Let's not tell anyone about what happened last night, okay?"

"But he was hurting you, Mommy! Why was Daddy hurting you?" she asked, tears falling down her face.

She loved her father very much. He was her Superman, but she couldn't forget what she saw. How could the man who she thought would always love and protect her turn into a villain?

"It was Mommy's fault. I did something to upset, Daddy. He's very sorry about it now so let's forgive him and not tell anyone, okay? If you tell someone, they might tell the police and the police will come and take daddy away. You don't want that, do you?"