Intent on Hating You (Larry Stylinson)

-Chapter Eighteen-

I took a shaky breath looking at the grass that was too long and the weeds that now took up most of the flower beds. I felt Harry take my hand and I blinked feeling tears on my cheeks.

I held onto Harrys hand, warmth spreading along my arm but coldness seeping from my heart and it was an odd mix, I could feel myself shaking as everyone looked around at each other

“Right” Paul said uneasily “shall we um…”

I nodded slowly and Niall opened the door eyes glued to Harry and my hands. Harry tuned my head to face his and looked at me straight on

“I don’t want you to act all tough and like everything’s okay for once, we all want you to let out what you need to, now if that means you shout at us, you scream, you cy know that we won’t think any different of you and we’ll just try and get through this together yeah, we’re here for you no matter what and if you need space, tell us, you need cuddles, tell us okay?” He asked wiping tears from my cheeks. I nodded letting out a shaky breath.

“thanks” I whispered before looking back to the front of the car which was empty. The seat had been pushed forward and I wiped my face on my sleeve

“Come on then” Harry said, I tightened my grip on Harrys hand to tell him not to let go and I felt his thumb stroke softly over my skin. We got out of the car and Paul put a hand on my shoulder

“ready?” He asked softly, I nodded and took in a shaky breath as I walked with Harry up to the others who were stood on my doorstep.

I looked at them and they smiled as I reached for the door and opened it. It swung open silently and I looked at the hall, coats and shoes all lined up as usual and pictures all up on the wall. Harry kissed the top of my head and held my hand tighter thumb still rubbing at my skin

“right” I gulped, reaching out and grabbing Zayns wrist too, its like it was more support, like if I knew they were there I could take the first step “shall we?”

I walked into the hall looking at the shoes as we passed, it was almost as if they were still all here and I was going to walk into the living room and see them all jumping around on the sofa, and then have them run at me when I opened the door. But when It did the room was empty, silent and musty.

I sniffed and let go of Zayns arm before falling into Harrys chest gripping onto the fabric as I let the tears fall, it felt like all I’d done was cry or try to suppress it but it now felt like even after nights of crying I was going to cry forever. Harry rubbed up and down my back soothingly and pressed kisses to my forehead

“Your grandparents will be arriving any minute” Paul said softly as if he was trying not to interrupt me

“you should all sit down” I said into Harrys chest, I could hear the others hesitate “Give me a second” I sniffed

“as long as you need mate” Niall said before I heard him walk to the sofa and sit down

“I remember the time you came over, we weren’t even that pleasant with each other but mum wanted to meet you and you were so nice to the girls and I thought you were just really good at acting but I knew you weren’t because then we filmed the icarly show, but I just remember how I’d told mum that before we started to fight we’d got on really well, told her I had a small crush on you and she wouldn’t let it go after that, s’why she kept trying to get you over” Louis smiled into Harrys chest “she really liked you”

“I really liked her, you know, when you took the girls to the park she cornered me in the kitchen, she said she saw the way I looked at you, told me I should get my act together and tell you” He sighed, I hugged him tighter to me. I could hear the others talking quietly to themselves in the background