alone

it's just me

Do you ever have those feelings like your trapped and you have no way of getting out of leaving?  What about if you actually are trapped and there is no where to go no safe place nobody Thu can actually talk to with out getting stabbed in the back. Sometimes I wonder if outs with living this life with all the pain and little happiness it comes with. And I mean I know that there are people with life's much harder than mine but sometimes it doesn't matter to me is that selfish of me? Sometimes I don't care if it is or isn't sometimes everything is just too much to handle and I need to get away from it. But how do you get away from something when there's nowhere to go. And what happens when that sometimes turns into most of the time and that most of the time turns into always. It's always there the dread I feel is always there whether I want it to be out don't it's not something I can control its not something you usually can control when your world is crumbling into pieces and there is nothing you can do about it. When everything you have known and gotten used to its falling apart so fast you don't see it coming until it's almost gone. You can't control it and you know you can't but you wish you could you wish you could ask badly you would give up so much just to have it stop crumbling around thou and just stay in one piece for a little while. Just enough time for you to fix just a few things. But that's not how it works that's not how it's going to work and you know it to buy that tiny bit of hope you have your foolish enough to hang on to when you know that small sliver of hope won't do anything. But that doesn't matter to you sometimes sometimes you feel like you can get through it when you know you can't but you try anyway and you don't even try for you you try it for the people around you. Some people just don't seem to understand but still pretend they do. What are you supposed to do then?