alone

this is how it is

I can't stop the unstoppable I may try but it's a list cause it's simple impossible. Have you ever had the feeling when you come home from school and you see your mom wearing a sweatshirt and a hat with all her hair up and you know right away that today is not going to be a good day.it use to happen so it was only once every two weeks, then it started happening once every week then three Times a week then five until it turned out to be six and that's if your lucky because now it's usually seven then every once in a while its six and if it has been a good well maybe even five but that happens I've a month.it gets to the point where you have just stopped trying and have given up.your moms depression starts to rub off on you.then it gets so bad to the point where you can't stand where your almost breaking that you find a way to relieve some of it just a small portion but taking that small portion off is better than having all of it so you find a way to relieve that small amount of pain. Cutting. It feels so good to get that little bit of guilt of and take in that little bit of relief that it didn't matter to you if your scaring yourself hurting yourself it doesn't matter because of the relief and pain you won't have to deal with. Cutting helps you because you feel you deserve it, it's your fault your mom's depressed ,your parents are divorced, you mom doesn't talk to her sister anymore your aunt. It's your fault so you deserve the pain the scars the cuts. it becomes an auction that you can't fight. That you don't want to fight. Something you have to hide from people because they don't understand.they'll think there's something wrong with you. But they don't get his much your getting inside nobody gets it but you.