Alpha Obsession

Chapter 42

I wanted to suffer

I don't think I had truly realized how important Hunter was to me before I saw his eyes close. When I saw him die, it was as if my entire life flashed before my eyes. It was as if I was the one actually dying.

I saw myself as a little kid barely three feet tall in a big house with no one around to watch me stumble and fall. The shadows left by my parents as they went along with their lives without sparing me a second glance. A library of novels and a black-suited babysitter with a toxic mouth were all that I had to feel connected to the world.

I saw myself a little older, walking into school on a day off and finding no one there. The classrooms that I'd gotten used to sheltering myself in were empty and cold because the conditioner was still on. That was the first time my fear broke me down in public and I would have stayed there in the dark forever if it hadn't been for a janitor who found me.

I saw the worry and guilt in my parent's eyes for the first time when they learned how much the loneliness had soaked into my heart from their absence. Everything changed when they brought me home that day and swore to be better parents. They kept that promise better than anyone could have asked for, and I had so many happy memories with them over the years. Yet, I could never shake the feeling that I was just one step away from falling back into the abyss.

I saw myself at the start of the school year, moving into a small home and helping my dad carry boxes of 'essentials'. There was this moment where something inside me sort of clicked and I scanned the surroundings for someone watching me. Of course, I didn't see anyone, but it felt like someone had seen me. Seen me more deeply than anyone else. A connection so invasive that it drove me to walking the streets of an unfamiliar town at night. A gaze at the back of my neck so intense that it made me feel hot and frantic despite the chill of approaching winter.

I saw him, the violent snarling werewolf that nearly took away all of my control in a single night. Then those arrogant glimmering green eyes showed up at school and it was like gravity itself convinced me to chase them. A rollercoaster of pursuit, rejection, aggression, and tension that finally led me to feel like I might never have to feel alone again. An abandonment that brought me back to square one, and then a return that somehow managed to make up for it. through it all, I hadn't realized how much my world had begun to revolve around Hunter Sin.

As my trembling hands wrapped around his upper body and pulled him up to my chest, I couldn't stop myself from sobbing violently. The image of his stupid puppy dog smile and emerald wolf eyes was burned into my mind even as I stared at his sleeping face. The problem was that I knew he wasn't sleeping. The blood pumping out of the hole in his chest wasn't going to stop and he wasn't going to wake up.

"Jake! Can you pull it off!" she screamed, breaking through my trance. Nicole Sin had come up beside me at some point and was yelling for my attention.

"What...?" I croaked. She glared and reached over to tug harshly at Hunter's chain. Her hand seemed to burn at the touch.

"Can you pull it off? Can you pull it off! The chain, Jake! The chain!" her panic was overwhelming, but finally got through to me.

I took hold of the silver pendant that hung tightly to his skin and nearly recoiled from the heat. It was as if all of his body heat had drained into the small chain. I held on and tugged once more, finally managing to yank it off his neck. It burned in my hands and Nicole sighed in relief, but something horrible happened. The little bit of warmth, that tiny sliver of life that was left in Hunter's body vanished. The corpse went stiff and the stream of blood dwindled to a halt. "What...?"

"Okay, good. That's good. Thank you, Jake." Nicole breathed and fell back in relief.

"What...? Nicole, what just happened? What did you make me do?" I squeaked, still holding the burning silver pendant in my hand. She leaned closer to me and helped fasten the chain around my neck, then gathered Hunter's body into her arms.

"I'm pretty sure you know that silver chains are special to us by now. For an Alpha like Hunter, there is no one powerful enough to take his chain by force. At least, not while he's still alive. But it looks like you two have gotten close enough for you to take it from him. So, just hold on to it for me. You can do that, right Jake?" she asked smiling.

Her words struck me silent.

Was that her way of saying that I helped lay her brother to rest?

"N-Nicole?" I stuttered while clutching the chain on my neck. Its blazing warmth made me feel cold inside. She didn't stop walking away but turned to me while carrying the limp and lifeless body of my...

"I can't really stop to chat right now, Jake. I've got to take my brother home before his body starts rotting away. They need to know this has happened. We'll talk later, alright?" with that, she started sprinting. Carrying the dead weight with ease...

I finally looked at my surroundings and took in the wreckage of the parking lot. A few cars had burst into flames and the concrete had plenty of chunks torn and blasted apart. The Blake twins were nowhere to be seen, but I wasn't sure what I'd have done if they were still around. What I didn't see, was people. There was no one around, I was feeling vulnerable, and the connection that I'd had to Hunter felt hollow and lonely. I knew what was going to happen to me before it even set in and the parking lot seemed to expand outward forever.

Whenever my fears had sunk into me before, I wanted to scream for someone to come and save me from myself. My mom, my father, my wolf, but now...

I couldn't escape the knowledge that it was all my fault, and as the overwhelming loneliness and fear of open space began to flood my senses, I honest couldn't deny it. I wanted to suffer for what I had done.

 

So, how about them casual backstory drops? :3  If you remember that breakdown Jake had after Hunter left, you can probably have a better understanding of why that happened now. For most of us, our biggest fears do stem from childhood experiences and we deal with them even though we rarely think about where it all began. Jake's parents messed up big time when they were still new to being parents (I'm sure others can relate to that too), but they've come pretty damn far if you ask me.

Nicole's reaction was pretty weird (Even for Nicole Sin) with finding her dead brother wasn't it? what do you guys think might have been going through that head of hers? :)