The pain

4

Ethan's POV
We began to talk for a while. Mainly her asking questions and me answering honestly.
So Ethan. How long has this been going on?
About 3 weeks.
Have you gotten any hate off of anyone?
Yes. Social media.
What have they been saying.
Stuff like kill yourself. Or you're fat. Or you make me want to vomit.
Do you believe it?
Yeah
Well you shouldn't. Because you're an awesome person Ethan.
No I'm not. I'm an idiot.
Well if you carry on believing that then you won't get anywhere in life, won't get any friends and will live alone for the rest of your life.
Mm
So im going to help you become whatever is considered normal.
Thank you Kathryn. It means a lot.
I hugged her again. She means a lot. Everything she said to me means the world to me. I asked her if she couldn't tell mark and Tyler because then things would be awkward and everyone would treat me differently. She agreed which was helpful.
After a week I decided to take a picture of me now and then in six weeks time to see my improvement. Kathryn agreed and she also said she wanted to join me as she was slightly overweight. I told her she's fine but she took none of it. She said she would loose a lot and I would gain a lot and then we'd meet in the middle. So I agreed to that. We then became best friends and we did a lot of things. One included her picking me up whilst I'm eating a hamburger and she's running around the park. It was fun and we had so many laughs. Everything is going well. We then tried things like we went around town and found foreign restaurants and we played a game. She would find the least fattening item and I would find the most. I wouldn't eat it obviously as I'm still causes and I'm taking baby steps. Everything was going fine until I saw something on twitter that completely wrecked me. I was out in a Chinese take out and I got a notification. I saw it and it was a picture of me eating a hamburger. Then the caption read; ew this guy has to stop. He's so gross, he's too fat and now he's trying to become even more fat? Like wtf! I quickly told Kathryn I'd be back and I went to the toilets. I threw up there and then and as I came out I was greeted by a worry hug from Kathryn. She knew what I just did. "Ethan, you're better than them. Remember you can defeat them. You can be brace and you can do this!" She was proud of me because of my progress. I felt like someone cared about me. It was a nice feeling to have. After 4 weeks of our program, Kathryn sat me down and we had a chat. She kept saying that because I hadn't uploaded to YouTube in a few months, I should explain. Obviously I denied as soon as she mentioned it. But she then managed to talk me into it, somehow. I then said I'd do it. I set up my camera.
"What is up my cranky crew! It's Ethan from crankgameplays and today I'm going to have a serious talk. And I know you guys haven't heard from me fore quite a while and this video is to explain why. I did something stupid , I was an idiot and I shouldn't have done it. I obviously feel incredibly nervous for uploading this but I feel that you guys need to know. So basically I grew very self conscious in my body weight and somehow turned anorexic. I felt like i was always fat and gross and just plain 'ew'. I managed to make myself very upset and angry with myself and as you can see I have a short sleeve top on. This is because I want to be honest with everyone from now on. I did cut, yes. I was incredibly stupid for doing so and anyone doing it now, PLEASE STOP. You will regret it later on like I regret everything now. Every single one of you are worth so so much. And I know that you don't feel that way now and you don't see it but I do. Because I've been through it. But look. I'm still here. I'm still going to be the same stupid me screaming at redit 50/50 or something dumb like that! The fact is, Im still here. I survived. And so can you. Anyway guys. I am getting help right now because I need it. I'm doing a 6 week recovery stage where I start getting help with my anorexia and then it carries on for 6 weeks and then you look at my improvement. I have two more weeks to go so hopefully it'll be ok. Fingers crossed, well that is it for today's vlog. Stay cranky. Mwah"