love sick puppies - tracob

-10

"you know it's not good to smoke and drink," I say as we walk home.

he nods.

"then why did you do it?"

"ugh why are you asking so many questions?" he says rolling his eyes.

I laugh.

"I asked one question you piece of broccoli!"

"piece of broccoli? what the fuck troye?"

"I don't know, I don't have any good comebacks,"

"I can tell," he says laughing.

he puts his arm around my shoulder.

but something doesn't feel right.

it feels out of place.

and wrong.

i feel wrong for thinking that jacob actually likes me.

because he doesn't like me in the way that I like him.

he's just drunk.

I turn and look at him.

he's smiling.

is he really happy though?

I mean who would be happy with someone like me?

I bow my head as we continue to walk home.

the whole walk home is silent, but his arm is still clung around me.

it almost seems to real to be true, but at the same time not real at all.

maybe I'm just dreaming. it doesn't seem right at all.

I keep thinking about this.

I know about 16 girls who would to get in jacob bixenman's pants so why am I so lucky yet so unlucky.

it's a blessing to be here with him, but he doesn't like me like that, I don't even know if he's gay.

we reach my house and he slowly removes his hand from my shoulder.

I walk up to the gate and then look back at him.

"later sweet cheeks," he says.

my gut clenches as he says that. he doesn't mean it.

"bye," I say scurrying inside my house.

I collapse onto my bed in tears. I should stop hanging around him. It's not healthy.

he's making me feel all types of ways, he makes me feel loved, but he's not loving me.

----
im alive.
this is unedited.
I have been crying my eyes out it's 12am.
I love you all.