The Simplest Answer [Armin Arlert x Annie Leonhardt]

Note: This is in Armin’s POV. And no, Annie didn’t trap herself in the crystal; not yet in this kind of timeline, I suppose. She did join the MP, but she didn’t appear as the Female Titan.

-

It has been three years. Three years since my first encounter. Three years since I first heard the name. Three years since my heart had reacted the attention she would provide. Three years it has been for so long.

So have I finally changed, have I finally grasped the courage? 
Or am I still scared, afraid, shivering that I might have to accept defeat? For that long since, have I grown nearer, or have I grown further? Have I been happier, or have I been sadder?

I can’t decide.

For these three years, I’ve started by watch from afar, and slowly would we have grown nearer; should I be joyous of this fact, or am I still too fearful to the situation? Is my heart showing me the way, or is it giving more questions to the mystery I have still unsolved? 

Why must questions throw themselves at me; why trap me in such a bewildering situation? How can I escape if my heart is on their side? Am I even supposed to have thoughts on such a topic while my world is collapsing in the hands of an enemy whose power is far too great for even all of us combined?

That’s right… I’m a soldier, one who should not have thoughts as such; but why, why does my own heart fight my soul, my will? I myself am not sure if I could survive day after day in a battlefield, yet I am here thinking… of this.

I sighed, my eyes fixed on the ceilings. The room was quite quiet; filled with my comrades sleeping soundlessly, having tramped through a rough day on a death field. I touched my head - bandaged. I knew I was just a drag out there, but I wanted to help, I vowed to do so. 

I continued sighting the ceiling, not getting a wink of sleep. Little tears would escape my eyes occasionally, no matter how hard I try to stop it from doing so. I let out a heavy sigh, before slowly getting up from my so-called bed. My left hand gripped my right - it was shaking. Shaking so unbearably.

Slowly, I formed a knuckle with it, calming it down. The frown that was glued on my face turned deeper. Gently, I stood up, removing my covers and walked towards the door as soundless as I could be. Waking any one of them up would cause suspicion, I know that. They are my friends, they are who I trust the most; but the uncertainty in my heart right now… I’m just so unsure of my own actions now. The door slowly creaked open, and I had to close my eyes and pray that none of them were sensitive enough to hear that. Opening a hole that’s enough for me to fit through, I jumped out carefully and closed the door behind me.

Once outside, I looked at the sky above me; as dark as ever - but tonight, filled with billions of shining stars, the shining sea of the sky. I sighed, resting both of my hands in my side pockets, as the weather chills. I took baby steps towards the north, before actually taking larger ones; nobody else was around, or that’s what I see and hope.

I stopped at a distance, not too far from the cabin. The grass there were short, and it seems like the wind was dancing around there rather than other places. Shrugging, I sat down on that spot, right palm gripping the grass. I looked up; then down again, my left hand pulled a strip of green grass from the ground and I smelled it - wonderful. I’ve always loved the smell of grass. I smiled at that thought.

I looked at that small piece I held in my hand, and memories crawled back into me. Three years ago. It’s not the same place; but the smell is indifferent. The feeling never went off, did it?

My eyes focused on her; the target, as I charged in. Just a split second later, I found myself on the grassy ground, as if I just failed a somersault. But no, I didn’t; she literally just thrown me backwards, my face landed straight on the ground. And I didn’t mind that one bit.