Thinking Thoughts Through

DEATH

Is that even true.......is it real ...this will relieve you from everything. Everything that is holding me down . Holding me down from all the hate , liers...sadness that keeps me dragging through this pitiful life of mine .

I was on the verge to finally being free ....with a smile on my face , that never might have looked more happy and free at that point . I could do it now . I could do it now because who's going to stop me .

Looking ahead of me as i heard hysterical laughter that echoed through out the room . Bringing slight
Sadness?  If that is what you call it, in my heart .

Seeing the marks on my hands , my smile faded , these hands .....i wonder what they will feel ....how it feels...if i can touch again .....can i feel it?

Looking up at the sky through the window , the clouds that swim freely in the sky . Even if they look free .....they are heavy with that water ....soon that poured down ...thats also like a burden am i right clouds??

It's heavy carrying it ....so heavy you have to let it go....you don't like to keep it in....you dont want to keep it in....
You simply can't keep that burden inside for that long hm?

You lets it out , let it fall when its too painful , you have the ground to give it , you have people that thank you ....but your just a cloud ...your lifeless and still happy....my friend ....if they have the right to be called that ...say  I'm like a cloud ....they think they know me??

No , they don't . Everyone pretends to care like they know what i am, what im going through ,what i suffered from!?

I don't get to toss the burden.....My burden anywhere while that lifeless thing does. I don't even mind if im unreal . I won't struggle to be full of life again if you take it away from me.

I like ....I would like to be forgotten .
Who even remembers me ?
Who would like to remember my existence that was only a hindrance to this worlds dirt ....to this worlds air.

If you would have remembered.... .....even thought about me for once ...i might have not taken this step to be free.

Gazing at them as they turn from dark to light , throwing away their stress...that everyone thinks is a blessing , making the ground beneath it take benefit of it's every drop.

So, I ask you again .....can i feel it?

Can i feel that touch that once made me feel real ?

That made me feel utterly light .

Made me feel like i don't want to be free....i want to suffer more , while feeling that touch in my hand again ..in my heart again.

Staring , caressing my hand that was still warm from long ago , still warm yet cold , smiling at it like I found my bliss.

Please , please I'm not asking now ....I'm begging .
I don't want it.
I need it ....before i go...

Tears start flowing out .....Why ?
I don't need these ....they are not for me!

I take my final breath in , closing my eyes , hoping will someone come. Does anyone care?

In a blink ......I see a figure standing in from of me ......It smiles.....saying...

'' Think again .....or you're going to miss it....'' 

                 '' I want DEATH .''