Thinking Thoughts Through

I'M SORRY

Hey everyone.

This is the author here .

To all the people who read my book ,
Who supported me...
Made me happy. I'm greatgul for every word that came from you guys .

Everything that you people have done to make me forget what I hated.

Made me smile even in the worst time.

Made me feel warm In my damn cold life.

Made me regret my certain decision.

I'm was happy till now with you .

Because of your love ....i stood by.

I didn't leave as i was supposed to three ago. I was always impatient to talk to anyone of you. Waiting for the clock to tick away time and make me smile again .

I thought kind people are real.

Kind people like you .

I'm sorry if i leave, disappear with out a word.

I hope you will remember me.

I hope you guys atleast won't forget .

Maybe ....i will come back.

Maybe ....i will see you guys again..

Until then, everyday i will think about you guys.

Remember.....i know you know that i love you.

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The word "kind" ....itches....
Such a word makes me feel bad about the people who try to be near me .
They don't know they will hurt in the end.

They will forget me . They did.

They will use me. And did so too.

One made me crush.
Crush my world in to pieces.....That was my only hope ....my only smile ..
My only shoulder to cry on ..until they lied.
Why did that one person lied like that.

Do they know how fragile a persons trust is...
Being broken from the beginning is one thing because you get used to being broken. I endured everything bad that came towards me .

I didn't care a single bit .

I had them. For me to hold on .

For me to cry on . For me to smile and laugh with.

I hate her.....for doing this to me .
Lieing ....tricking me...breaking me...
When i finally was over ....she came ...again in my life when i took so long to forget that pain!

With a cold stare .....dry words...
Empty mind....i said..
                     
  " Sorry but who are you? I don't know you and I'm busy forgetting about someone else too.."

Going the other way....I became afraid.

They will leave me like she did.
If she can do that ....They will too!

I Don't have anyone do i!?

I'm all alone again.

DON'T MAKE ME SMILE!!

It hurts so much to smile now...
Wasn't a smile that held the meaning  a person is happy ??

Why don't I look happy when i smile??

I'm fine like this...in my own world where i feel alone....

Took away everyone.....
Took away everything I had.

What am i supposed to do now?

Entering that building ...my eyes looked for the people that are close to me...

They still are and i don't deny it.
But...i couldn't find them anywhere.

Walking upto other students ...I smiled as usual.
That painfully made it obvious i was happy.

I talked normally like everyone does  or so it seemed . But i only talked a few words related to work only .

Time passed as typically waiting for the lesson to start meanwhile going through my thoughts once more before i start this troublesome day.

I stood up and looked at the people near me .....

They are here .

I smile weakly not wanting to say a word. We walked into the hall ,me in front ...sitting down on random places.

They kept glancing at me from time to time . They knew something was wrong .

We met a month ago . I wasn't like this back then.

I was like that one person who thinks she is responsible for making everyone around her happy.
Be there for them when they need someone. Be by their side when they're broken .....when someone broke them.

Make them smile .

The person that they would depend on even with all of there senses stopped . Rely on me, lean on me blindly. 

To sum it up. I was positive . I never cried.

They must be thinking what happened . They clearly know. But they don't know how hard it struck me .

I know them. They won't leave me .
Not even if I'm in the worst case or time of my life.

Not everyone can stay besides each other always . They have their own lives . I have mine.

I don't blame them for anything .

Why am i avoiding?
I'm afraid ...what is they do .

They care for me . And i for them.
Just like sisters . They are my strength. 

I stayed silent throughout the day .
Thinking should i speak now or not .
Words will come out bit are the that meaningful enough to be said.

I did smile. I did laugh.

But not with real emotions.

It's my fault I'm shutting them off .
They don't deserve to be ignored.

So i decided to talk . But i made a mistake again.

I couldn't find her . She came i could have finally opened up to her .

I searched every where but i was at loss. I asked other people they said they just saw her going towards some random direction. 

In the end ....it was all me.

Tears start going down my cheeks .
Again I'm crying.

While she waited.

Please dont go. I need you right now.
I need both of you to help me .

Help me out of this please. 

I don't want to stay alone again.
Please come back. I can't try again to reach out for you both.

Crying at my own life....i look up at the sky again .
And screamed....

         "One more chance! Please! "

                      "I'm SORRY! "