Engraved In Your Heart (Sequel)

12. You're The First To Listen

*April - 13 -2013*

I watched the cars drive by out of Mike's apartment window. I couldn't sleep, every time I laid down.. Nightmares flooded my head. I'm so tired of living like this...

I looked over at Mike - who was passed out- and my phone started ringing.

I didn't look at who it was, I just answered to turn off the ringer.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Alex?" It was Ricky.

"Ricky, it's me... It's 2am... Why are you calling me?" I spoke.

"Oh... Sorry I didn't realize... I just wanted to see if you were okay," he sounded hurt.

"No, I'm fine.. I just, Mike is sleeping,"

He sighed.

"What?" I questioned walking into the hallway.

"Your back with Mike?"

"No... Why?"

"Chris-"

"I don't fucking care about him!" I yelled.

"I'm um... I'm... I'm sorry," he stuttered.

"No, I'm sorry... You hit a nerve, that's all,"

"Okay.." His voice trailed off, I know he didn't want to end the 'Christopher' topic.

"Go on,"

"Are you su-"

"Yes."

"Okay. Chris told Josh that he loves you more then the world, he wishes that he didn't screw everything up. He broke 2 fingers because he punched the side of our bus last week, I hear him sobbing nearly every night..."

"He.. He cries?"

"He does... But there is-" he paused, "never mind,"

"Rick. You have to tell me now,"

"No,"

"Ricky, tell me!" I spoke sternly.

"Fuck... Chris ran infront of a bus yesterday and just stood there.. The bus stopped but..-l

"He tried to kill himself?"

"You did..."

"He didn't lose a kid,"

"Are you going to blame everything on that?"

"It's not something that just goes away!" I almost hung up.

"I know... Can you call him... Or something?"

"Fine."

"Okay.. I love you..."

"Love you too, Rick,"

I hung up the phone and walked back into Mike's apartment.

What am I going to do with Chris?

I laid next to Mike and felt him wrap his arms around me...

Maybe now I'll fall asleep.

***

I ran after Chris as he ran with my bandana.

"Chris!" I screamed

"No!" He continued running.

I chased him to the end of the cross walk and my feet got stuck.

Chris ran into the open road and he looked back at me.

"Come on, catch me, lovey,"

"Chris! Help me!"

He started to walk back just as a loud horn went off and the bus struck him,

****

I sat up quickly and screamed.

Did that seriously just happen?

"Alex, Alex... Are you okay?" Mike held me.

"No, Chris... He got hit,"

"By what?"

"A bus!"

"In your dream?"

"I think so,"

"It's okay, he's alive Alex,"

"He's not alive inside... That's because of me..."

"Come on.... Well talk about it in the morning,.." He pulled me back down next to him.

What am I doing?