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Anytime

Lisa's POV

It's been 2 months since Michael came to see me at the hospital and other than the restraining order that was posted through my mail the day I left the hospital, I haven't seen or heard anything from him since.

I still can't forget the words he said to me that day and what broke my heart even more than him turning his back and walking away from me, was seeing him walk straight into Leanne's arms. It wasn't because he ran into her arms, but the way he did it. He didn't do it in away that looked like he was trying to make me jealous or to hurt me anymore than he already did when he said those things to me. The way he ran into her arms it was like she was the only person he could see and everything and everyone around him had suddenly disappeared and in that moment nobody else mattered to him other than her. which is the same way he once used to do with me.

The worst thing that happened that day was the guilt I felt when Michael told me he once loved me so much that he attempted suicide after our divorce and knowing that not only did I leave him with emotional scares, he now has physical scares from the fire which again was my fault and I can never forgive myself for what I put him through and what makes me feel worse is, I never truly loved him. Not at first anyway or even through our marriage and the only reason I came back in the first place was because the guy I lived with after Michael lost all his money and his home and got into debt.

I thought it would have been easy to get him to take me back like he always had and I'd go back to living the glamours lifestyle I had whilst being married to him, but this time was different. This time I really did fall in love with him and wanted to be with him and saw that sweet and loving side he had which I never noticed or even cared about in the past, but it was too late because by the time I realised how amazing Michael was and how much I loved him, he had already moved on with his life and was in love with somebody else and now I'm all alone with a baby and no job and struggling to pay bills and care for a him by myself.

I always imagined that when I had a child, I'd be married to a rich man and living in a huge beautiful home with nannies to do everything for me, but instead I'm alone and doing everything myself.

I've thought a few times about contacting Charles to tell him about Anthony, but I know deep down he wouldn't care, but even if he did I don't want to risk him trying to take my son away or want to see him. I'm not saying he'd hurt him in anyway, but after Michael told me what he did to Leanne, I hope I never see him again. As much as I hate Leanne and can never forgive her for taking Michael from me, I still feel bad for what Charles did to her. Michael had called the police to come and help her, but instead he just abused her and made her suffer even more and I know exactly what it feels like because I went through the exact same things Leanne did when I was forced into that brothel like she was and I prayed everyday for someone to rescue me, which eventually they did and that person was Michael, but I ruined everything the day I locked Leanne in that room because it's pretty obvious the day Michael fell in love with Leanne was the day she was trapped in that fire.

Dispite all the hurt I put him through in the past, Michael was still willing to help me, but I ruined every chance I ever had when I convinced Michael to start that fire when I knew Leanne was locked inside and I know if I hadn't of done that then eventually Michael would have given me a second chance, but instead he fell in love with her and pretty soon they'll be welcoming their first child into the world. I'm not sure how far along Leanne is, but from the slightest glimps I got of her at the hospital that day she probably only has a few months left to go.

I've been trying to move on with my life, but I still can't stop myself from thinking about Michael and what could have been if me and him were still together and I often wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him and what could have been if we were still together and I wish I could see him again just one last time.