Cigarettes

That time

There he was. Running downstairs at school to see his friends, Aria and Eliot. His only real friends at that time. Clay and Eliot had been friends since 4th grade and they were inseparable. Clay always made new friends as a kid, he was the first one that would talk to the new kid in class. Now, Eliot on the other hand was a very introvert person, very quiet, but they became best friends anyway. And Aria, she was such a weirdo! they became friends by another friend that left their school, Cas. Now if it wasn't for Cas, he wouldn't have such an amazing friend. Aria was an artist, the crazy kind. She would dream big and was really extra in everything.

As they were standing in the schoolyard a girl from Aria's class came by and started a conversation with them. They were talking about various subjects but the one that was the most intense was about LGBT people and how they felt about that issue. Mara was so much passionate about that, she would turn down anyone that would tell her that she was wrong about this subject and really wanted to make everyone accept that LGBT people were just like them and there was absolutely nothing wrong with them. Whereas, Clay, didn't really agreed on that. 

The school bell rang and they headed to their classes. Mara grabbed Clay by the arm and went underneath the staircase. She asked him one simple question "Why do you think that it's wrong to be gay?" and he just couldn't answer that.

"I don't know, it just doesn't seem natural"

"Why doesn't it seem natural?" she insisted.

"I don't really know"

Then came the moment that changed everything! Mara was so mad at that time she just looked him in the eyes like she was ready to attack him but what she did was the thing that truly made their relationship change forever. She just said "I'm bi!". Clay replied "Me too!" so cheerfully it was like this big weight was lifted off of him and the expression on his face was so amazingly  unforgettable. He had a smile that was reaching to his ears and a look on his eyes that was so clear and happy. Clay actually looked kind of like the Cheshire cat from Alice in wonderland. Mara was in complete shock at that moment. 

And after, days had gone by, the season's changed and fall became summer and these three had become a very strong team. But Clay was not so sure this would last. All his world was tearing apart. You see, he had not told anyone else yet and that made him feel like a hypocrite. I mean he was after all, he played it straight even though everyone could clearly see that he was gay as fuck. But still be was so scared his only friends would reject him and that made him feel like shit. Do you ever feel like nothing? Like you just want to stare at the stars all night at the roof of your house and be like sad? Like nothing is underneath your body and you are floating in space near to a black hole that has sucked away all your emotions? That was exactly how he felt all this time. Isn't it sad? Well he just laid in his bed with his head faced up and put on music from his "exhausted noun" playlist, which was just full of indie music, mostly indie rock. He pressed the play button and put it on suffle. The song that played matched up perfectly with his situation 《the sound- I can't escape myself》 what a truly fantastic song. The lyrics are so deep actually and every person can relate at least in some point in their life. 

《So many feelings,

  Pent up in here,

  Left alone with

  The one I most fear

  I'm sick and I'm tired

  Of reasoning

  just want to breakout

  Shakeout this skin

  I can't escape myself》