Thoughts.

A boy.

A colored pencil turned into sharp plastic, which turned into razors and glass. I started to get bolder and bolder with the lines on my skin. The scarring made me feel better. It was my favorite part. It made school and home easier to deal with. I started seeing my dad every weekend until he went back to prison. I still sorta believed he loved me. But he never stopped using and selling meth. Dope was all he loved. I was just so stressed out all the time. Verbally abused growing up then the kids at school. It was hard. But then I saw this boy. I was in 6th grade and it was the first time I ever felt sparks. He had just moved back up here although we had never met. I saw him on the bus and it made me smile. Then I saw him at his locker and things seemed brighter for me. I had become friends with his sister before he transferred to our school, and I had no idea they were related until I brought him up to her.

I found out they lived two blocks away from me. You could get to their house through the woods. I told his sister about my little crush, and that i was too scared to talk to him. I spent the night with her a lot and bumped passed him only a few times. Stop one night he told her he liked me to. And so started my first love.

i felt on fire. But in an amazing way. As if there was no gravity under me. I never really dated a boy before. Only girls so i didn't know anything. I didn't need to hurt myself for awhile while with him. And eventually i started to talk to him everyday. Then one night, while i was spending the night at his house with his sister, he asked me out. But it wasn't face to face. He had his sister tell me and i thought it was the sweetest thing. For the next three years i dated this boy. Every year throughout our whole middle school experience. Until we got to 8th grade.