Thoughts.

Change.

8th grade. The year everything changed. I had been with this boy three years. He was my first kiss, my first love. I didn't know anything else. I was still being abused at home. Mostly verbal, but not always. He was my haven, my nirvana. But he decided we shouldn't be together. So we broke up and stayed distant. Not only was he my first love, he was my first heartbreak.

I started harming myself more. Time passed and I met a girl. She was better than the love with my boy. Except it was a new type of love. She gave me hope. She showed me what it meant to have someone think you're the whole world in one body. She looked at me like she was seeing heaven for the first time. In such a short time I fell deeply in love.

Before we were 15, she ended up moving in with me. She started fighting with her mom again.

"I think she's on dope again.." She told me with broken certainty in her voice. I knew exactly what she was feeling. She just wanted to know why her mom didn't love her more. Over time we started to have problems and our relationship was toxic. I accidently cut too deep and bled out on my bathroom floor. While the room spun all I could see was her face.

A year had passed and we broke up. She left me for my ex best friend. And I got with a boy named Clayton so I had somewhere to live. The boy took advantage of me in every way. No boy would be like my boy I had in middle school. I thought Clayton started to love me. Introduced me to family. Saved me from my abusive family. Took me away from my problems. Until he started to get mean. He forced himself on me. I told him no over and over. I yelled. I pleaded. But he wouldn't get off. His step mom heard my cries and turned the TV up as loud as she could.

That day made me grow up.