Going Nowhere: A Collection

-The Beginning of the End-

11/24/2013

Tomorrow I'll travel to New York City with my mom and my sister. I am really excited about this trip, but also a little bit nostalgic that this will be the last one we make that's organized by my mom. Next time we travel -if there's a next time- each will pay for their tickets, and we'll have to make the agenda with her. And I honestly don't think there'll be a next time, just because I know I've made other plans already, expensive plans that require me saving for at least another whole year. And I know my sister has got no plans whatsoever and she might probably keep traveling with my mom's money for a couple more years.

It's kind of scary finding out what turning 20 actually means. It means you're not a kid anymore, it means you should start earning your own money and having an idea of what you'll do once you graduate. It means thinking about a partner for dissertation and asking them to work with you and then defining the topic even when you know you won't agree on anything and will end up settling for a topic that neither of you feel passionate about.

It means starting to think about leaving home because if you take too long you might stay there forever. And it means you start planning your own trips and paying for them, and not seeing your mom every day and instead calling her once a week and telling her everything's alright when in reality you've eaten stale bread and drunk tap water for the past three days.

It means making up your own family, and I don't mean getting married and having children, but to change the people you see every day, to adopt a cat and go out for lunch when you're feeling wealthy on a weekend. It means finding people who are struggling, just like you are, and helping them out.

It means going to New York City for the fourth time in your life, hoping that someday, probably the next time you go back, you'll settle down there. It means looking at cheap neighborhoods and eateries. It means dreaming about how someday you'll go to that library after work and buy nice presents in that vintage shop, and maybe you could afford a cupcake in that nice place with pink flowers drawn on the windows.

Growing up means thinking about the things that will happen in one semester, or in one year, or even in five years. It means starting to worry about how some things are ending and how you'll be able to start some others. I am really excited about this trip, so excited I don't want it to end.