Going Nowhere: A Collection

-Closer-

01/24/2014

Today is Friday, January the 24th, 2014. Out trip is scheduled for June the 24th, 2015, although that's just what we said in September and nothing is definitive. We remind ourselves we'll go. It's a fact, but the truth is that right now we're still stuck in the middle of step one and we can't skip it because it's the most important part of every trip, of anything, to be fair.

I'm still not even close to having the money for tickets, which, as we've agreed, is the priority; once we've got the tickets everything else can be sorted out one way or another, before or during the trip, it doesn't matter. Two days ago I went to an interview for a job as a tutor in subjects like English, Spanish and maybe even Social Studies. It doesn't pay as much as I'd like to and right now I'm not sure if I got the job, but if I do get it, I'll have some extra money coming in every month, and that's just what I need.

I have now a savings account and I'm cutting down some expenses this semester so that getting to my goal by June (or at least, I don't know, September?) this year can happen. As soon as I have the money, I'll buy the tickets, I'm not sure if I'll buy them for both me and Maya, it all still looks so distant that we really haven't talked much. Plus, something else has come up, at least for me it's something new and I'm still trying to digest the news: Saul is going to Buenos Aires.

He told me last Thursday and I've tried to make peace with the news because, what else can I do? How am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to say? I guess I have to make myself feel happy for him, even if inside I'm like a selfish child -of course I don't want him to go away but I won't stop him or chase him. In the end, I've had a life before I met him and I'll still have one after he leaves. He will too. And I guess the only thing I can say is "goodbye, good luck, I'll miss you and I love you tons," and I'll have to do something so that he will remember me, and that's pretty much it.

He leaves on February the 16th, which means that by the time I'll be writing my next entry, he'll be already settled in his new home, getting used to his new life. And I will too, we'll all adjust, no matter how painful it seems, because in the end that's what life is about.

I can't say I'm quite excited for this new year, for starting classes on Monday and for saying goodbye. I can't say I'm looking forward to those changes, but this year my best friends turn twenty and Maya turns 18, this year my sister graduates high school and I'll travel somewhere I've never been to with two of the people I love the most.

What I'm trying to say, what I'm making myself understand is that life's about perspective, it's about being open, open to changes, to new people, to letting go, open to feelings, to ideas. Life is about adjusting to situations, it's about making plans and changing them, but it's also about understanding that despite the changes that may happen, some things remain, and we must look forward, carry on.

What I'm saying by this is that, at least for today I'm sure that even with all that's happened, even with all that's left to happen, I'll travel to London, and I won't drink wine or vodka or any alcohol because I made it my resolution not to drink again, but I'll sure wear my white dress and lie on the grass in the middle of some park and I'll read and laugh and enjoy my life.