My life, nothing special

...

So I said I will write about my sexuality so here it is.
I think it started like 2 or 3 years ago, maybe when I started watching youtubers. First I started watching normal beauty vloggers and gameing stuff but then i found a lesbian youtuber and I loved her. After that I found gay boys doing videos together, like Dion & Sebb and I loved watching them. And the weirdest part was that I loved watching them kissing. I just thought I liked them because they were boys and what is better than 1 cute guy, 2 cute guys kissing. But then I found lesbian youtubers as well. And I loved them. Then this summer came. I started loving Troye Sivan, (who is gay) and his squad. I was obsessed with him. Even I was in a group chat about him. I coundn't listen to anything else but him, or maybe a little bit of 1D because I'm obsessed with them for a long time now. (My fav is Niall and maybe Harry. OMG his new song is awsome, but get back to the story, guys) So and then school started again, and the girls from my class looked more beautifull than  before. I thought it wasn't normal so I tried not to think about my feelings but it was hard. And I started listening to lesbian music. (or I don't know how to call it) e.g. Girls like girls, and stuff like that. But I was so busy because after Christmas I had big exams so I studyed to them really hard. After that I had a lot of free time and I watched a lot of youtube videos. Like lesbians and gays. That was the time when I started realizing I wasn't straight. I was so scared, but loved it as well, it was so weird. And my first real girl crush came. It was Halsey, who is bi so I thought I had chances. (Which I haven't because she's 22 and I'm 15) And she has a video where she is kissing with a girl, Ghost. And she mentions her gay respaction in many of her songs. E.g. in New Americana. ,, Young James Dean, some say he looks just like his father, but he could never love somebody’s daughter
Football team loved more than just the game so he vowed to be his husband at the altar." I listened to these songs during drinking my morning coffee, which slowly started to be my new part of my morning routin. And my new obsession started maybe in March, when my parents and I began watching The 100. We loved it so much, so watched 4 or 6 parts at the same time. And then those parts came where (SPOILER) Lexa and Clake kissed. And it happened again in the 3x07 but it was so good. I almost started crying, but when in that same episode Lexa died I coundn't stop it. I cried, and this slipped out of my mouth 'Fuck off Jason'. I usually don't swear at home so my parents looked at me weirdly. From that time I'm a huge Clexa and Alycia fan. I stopped watching Halsey's videos during my coffee time, I started watching videos of Alycia,Lexa or Clexa. It's so weird but I enjoy it. Even I drew A and L on my hand or finger. And lately I found a girl called Ally Hill who has so good lesbian videos and songs. And I started liking a girl called Elke or on her social media biclexual. She's a lesbian and a huge fan of Alycia, just like me, but she's 21, but first I thoungh she was 17 or like that. She's so beautifull and cute, I love her so much. But she lives in Netherland, and I live far away from her, but at least in Europe.
So I think I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I don't know, I like girls but I dk that I love boys or not. I really want to tell my friend and my parents this, but I can't came out because I don't know it, and first I have to figure it out.
P.s sorry for the many so, than, then, and, after, started words.
And don't hate me because 'Love is love' ❤💛💚💙💜💎👭