She Who Must Not Be Named

Thursday July 13th Time N/A

  I don't remember my parents breaking up. Never really felt like they loved each other to begin with. My mom only married him cause she got pregnant with me. She never really loved him. Baby created out of lies. So. She cheats on my dad with her ex. They divorced. And blah. Her ex was in my life for a LONG ass time. He was my dad away from home. He'd take me to park and he'd run around and play games with me. When I was sick he'd take care of me. We lived in some apartments in Clio then moved to apartments in Flint. Some guy there got him into heroin. So that's where everything went downhill. We moved really fast to apartments in Birch Run. Her ex started drinking. He went from dad to a stranger. My mom worked late at a hotel and sometimes (My brother was there too) we'd get a room and sleep at the hotel. So. I remember I asked the stranger when he was feeding my brother, if I could have some of the oatmeal. He said sure. And I made a face and said it tastes nasty and he punched me in the stomach. Around that time. My
Mom and him broke up. He started smoking cigarettes. They got back together and we moved to the trailer. The walls were really thin, I remember. And there was three bedrooms and living room that connected to the kitchen. The pantry was never really full. We were broke. Nobody wanted to hire the stranger. I was humiliated by him. I didn't like having friends over. And the only real friend I had was a kid named Preston who had basically the same terrible family I did. He was so nice. We talked all the time and we always hung out and he'd spend the night and it was really fun. We quit hanging out when his uncle went to jail. So. Another thing I remember. My brother gave me a little of his cookie once and the stranger pushed me on the floor for it. A little while after mom and the stranger officially broke up. Cause the stranger choked my mom. And somewhere in that period my mom tried to commit suicide. And, she cheated on the stranger with another stranger. So. Dad started dating A girl and I felt like I lost both of the people I really needed. I had kids I was forced to be nice to And think of as my family. That girl and I never got along. Dad didn't want to really hang out as much. I switched back and forth from mom and dads house a lot. And then the shit with that boy happened. And I really didn't want to be there anymore. So. I kept going to moms instead. Even though at that point there was no home. No bedroom I was given ever felt like it was mine. I felt like I was sleeping in a strangers room. Living with dad I dropped weight a lot. His girlfriend didn't cook good or have that much food. So. I told myself I wasn't hungry and only ate lunch at school. So that point in fifth grade I weighed 70 something pounds. I was falsely 'diagnosed' with adhd. I was told I had mood swings that were like bipolar. And I took all that medicine until seventh grade. And then I quit. Got myself into trouble with boys and girls. And then I went to SV. First day before I got out of the car my Mom Told me "They don't know you. They'll just think you're a pretty girl. Be that pretty girl." And I just nodded and said okay. I saw Alex. And then I made friends with another girl. Alex and that girl are good friends. But I feel like I have to be the funny friends with no other emotion than humor or mild anger. I don't want to seem like I have full feelings, I guess. Cause. When I'm alone I get sad. I hate being alone. It makes me think too much. So I don't like it. I'm happier now. And I mean. Life has really been a bitch to me. But, I thank life for where I'm at right now. Even if I did have to deal with shit that wasn't exactly fair. Well. One thing in fourth grade. I wrote a story about my mom and the stranger for the assignment. I wrote about mom and the stranger fighting. I talked about the hole in the back of my moms door and the holes in the wall from the hitting. And the whole class thought it was so funny and some kind of joke. But, it was just about home. It was home. Home was holes in the wall, yelling and sex noises. And My brother crying and getting pissed off. I never felt like I was alive, if that makes sense. I just felt like a ghost. I wasn't really there. I was just experiencing it. There were so many negatives that I can't even remember the positives. One of the most humiliating things is knowing home was the place where people yelled a lot and I was always grounded, and to play with my friends I could only go outside to the little park. And even in fourth grade. One of my friends brothers would harass me. He was an asshole. He made it so I couldn't
Run once. He kept blocking my way. And it was a dead end part of the trailer park. And so. I started running between the trailers homes. And when I ran into the road there, he pushed me down, and then kept walking to his house. He had done that kind of shit a lot. But. Ya know. What're you gonna do about it. So. I don't know