--a few months earlier--
"Morning mom," I mumbled as I grabbed my towel for the shower.
"Morning honey!" she said as her face lit up.
"Well?" I looked at her with disgust. I was never quite polite to my mom.
"Oh right. You need to get undressed. Honey-"
"Okay. Bye."
"Just call me if-"
"OKAY!" i was aggravated with how my mom had been trying to act sweeter to me since she found out two weeks prior that im clinically depressed. Why can't she just go on with her life? It's not her fault I'm fucked up.
I turned the shower temperature to a warm setting and set the TV for the "Today" show.
I slowly undressed myself while looking in the foggy mirror. All I could see was unnecessary pudge everywhere. I cringed at the thought of forcing myself to throw up. I had never done it. And I have to admit, I was a bit scared to.
I lazily pulled myself under the shower head. The warm water reminded me of the warm tears I found constantly gushing down my cheeks. I tried to distract myself from the horrid thoughts I had all the time. Little droplets of water formed a puddle around my feet. The water was crystal clear and soothed my sore feet.
I quickly snagged the Gillette Venus from the shower shelf. I plied out the razor and immediately began slicing my hip area.
Soon the puddle beneath me had swirls of dark red erasing away the clear. I felt my face grow hot and I fell into a dizzy state. I could no longer tell the difference between what was my own tears, and what was the shower droplets. Everything around me began to blur into nothing. The last thing I could remember was Matt Lauer's voice and a huge thud.
---
I opened my eyes to a bright white room.
"What the hell ha-" My mom was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. "Oh."
Her eyes looked red and puffy. I didn't care that she gave a shit about me, because I knew she didn't.
"I love you Kristen."
I rolled my eyes. She didn't love me. No one did.. and no one ever will. I glanced away from my mom to avoid any possible eye contact.
"I love you," she repeated.
Right then, a young nurse stepped into the room. Her glasses balanced on the tip of her nose as her blood red, bob cut hair, fell in front of her pale skin.
"Hello Kristen, I'm your nurse Jennifer."
I glared at her. She gradually smiled a weird, kind of creepy, smirk.
I turned to my mom. "Can you take me to school yet? Colette needs me to help her with her math homework before fourth period."
My mom sighed. I could see the sadness in her eyes, real or not. She looked over to my nurse.
"I guess you are fine now. But mother, stay hyper alert. We love Kristen's beautiful face, but we do not want to see it here again." I hate when doctors and nurses call my mom "mother". She has a name, call her by it.
I stepped into my mom's SUV. the clock's time soothed me. It was already 2:09, past fourth period by a long shot; I wouldn't have to help Colette with her math homework. Honestly, I didn't want to. Also, I only had about 40 more minutes of school.
We drove to school is silence. I did not want to worry my mom about what happened this morning, and she wasn't bothering me about it.
"Goodbye honey! See you in around an hour!"
I scooted my butt off the seat of the car and pulled my backpack around my shoulders. I drearily slugged my way into the empty halls of my school.
I slammed my bag against the filthy blue lockers. Why me? Why did my life have to be the messed up one? Why not Ms. Perfect Eliana? Well I guess if she had my life, she wouldn't be so perfect. That would be nice.
Eliana is the Beyoncé of my school, Garner High School. She treats men like dogs. During class she treats a boy in our class, Freddy, like her servant. She forces him to tie her shoes, give her his jacket when she is cold, and she copies down his answers on worksheets, all while using disrespectful phrases. But still, all the men love her long, luscious caramel hair and soft lips.
Although she is horrible and an embarrassment to all women around the world, she is quite fond of me. I don't know, maybe she is just using me.
I slowly unzipped my blue Jansport backpack. On top of my binder lay my pills. I winced, remembering my previous suicide attempts, and how they had all ultimately failed. I looked up to see if anyone was in the hall, able of seeing what i was about to do. I sighed with relief as i scanned it, concluding that it was completely empty. I smirked as I reached down into my bag for the bottle. All of a sudden I heard a deep, manly, and must I say, sexually attractive, voice speaking to me.
"Kristen! What's up?"
