The Heart Wants What It Wants

Chapter 5

I got out of the bed slowly so that I don't wake Jared up. I didn't want to risk talking to him before my mind is a bit clearer. With the mixture of alcohol still in my stomach, the scent of sex in the air and all over me, I could barely think straight, so I went to take a long shower. There was still plenty of time until breakfast, so I was safe from Rachel and Maya barging in and catching us in the act. After that kiss they witnessed the night before, the last thing I needed was for them to see Jared in my bed.

I turned on the shower and stepped inside to enjoy the hot water and think about everything that happened the previous night. Oh my God, I still can't believe what I've done. I was so certain of my love for Lucas, and now everything is shattered. How am I ever gonna look that amazing man in the eye again? How could I let this happen? I closed my eyes, lifted my head towards the shower that was hung on the wall, and let it splash all over my face and body. As I started to shampoo my hair I suddenly felt Jared wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Jeez, you scared me", I flinched and turned my head towards him. Now I had shampoo in my eyes so I couldn't keep my eyes closed for another second."Shit, this stings", I said and turned back to wash the foam of my face.

"You left me there all alone, I was worried you're gone," Jared whispered, never letting go of my body, then he rested his head on my shoulder, softly brushing his lips over it.

I pulled myself away from him and turned to face him, "Get out, I need to be alone right now". He just kept staring at me and tracing his eyes up and down my body. "Stop that!" I raised my voice and pointed my index finger towards him.

"It's easier said than done", he said and bit his lower lip.

"Just get out," I waved my head and pushed him outside of the shower.

"Whoa, whoa, OK, I'll leave. You're not much of a morning person are you?" he teased me, and then took a towel to dry the water of him.

I ignored his comment and just continued to enjoy the warm waves of water on my body. It wasn't so easy to control in front of hot naked Jared, but I knew I had to pull myself together. I allowed myself a moment of weakness last night and now I'm in this hell I'll probably never manage to get out of.

I could hear him washing his face and then brushing his teeth. At one moment I looked over my shoulder and I could see him looking at me in the mirror. The glass shower door weren't completely see-through, but he could see a bit of my upper body. He wasn't wasting a minute of his time, that's for sure. He was done after a couple of minutes, and I was finally alone with my thoughts.

Soon I was finished with the shower, and I prayed to God Jared had left the room while I was in the bathroom. I put on a bathrobe, took a towel to dry my hair, and I went to the bedroom. Looking towards the bed I saw Jared sitting on the edge fully dressed, watching me and smiling.

"Take that stupid grin off your face," I snapped at him and set on an armchair turning it towards the bed so I could look at him.

"What did I do now?" he was taken back with my comment.

"Look, I really need you to leave. I thought you'd take a hint back in the shower" I said and continued to dry off my hair with the towel crossing my legs.

"I'm not leaving until we talk," I guess I'm not getting out of this that easily "We've spent an incredible night together, and I can't stop thinking about it. Nor do I want to."

"Well, you're gonna have to" I said and stood up from an armchair tossing the towel on the floor. I started pacing through the room with arms crossed over my chest. "Last night never should've happened. It was a stupid, careless, drunken mistake I'll regret for the rest of my life," as the words rolled over my tongue I suddenly felt like the biggest liar in the world. I wanted to mean what I said so badly, but I couldn't. That was not true. I just had to make myself believe what we did was wrong.