The Heart Wants What It Wants

Chapter 22

Nicole's POV

"Hey... are you okay?" Maya asked me after I've been staring at my phone for almost two minutes.

"Uuuum... yes... I just ... I'm fine," I lied, feeling my heart shattering into pieces. "I just... I have to go," I tried putting on a brave face, but I was going through so many emotions that I couldn't keep the tears from falling. The minute I felt my eyes watering, I got off the table and ran out of the restaurant.

"But we haven't..." was the last thing I heard Maya saying, after I had stormed out of the restaurant. I hailed the cab and went home. I was still staying at Rachel's, but now I knew I needed to find a place of my own, because I couldn't possibly let her go through all of this with me. I needed some space from everyone. A clear head to deal with everything that's been on my back for so long.

This was an entirely new situation for me. Never have I ever been involved with someone who had so many unclear issues, and with someone who'd make my life extremely complicated. All of this information was overwhelming, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was out of control. I wasn't able to keep my thoughts together, everything was so jumbled in my head and I felt like I was literally going to fall into pieces. I knew exactly how I felt about Jared, but I was starting to doubt if he was worth all the pain, torture and all this drama. Maybe the picture was just an innocent moment between a fan girl and a rock star. Maybe it wasn't. I didn't know what to believe, but I knew one thing ‒ if he did have some flirty bimbo he's been seeing when he was in Russia, he wouldn't let paparazzi catch them. So, no matter the headlines I decided not to think about it too much.

I was home, and I just needed a relaxing shower to clear my thoughts. I undressed, tossing all of my clothes on the floor and I went for a long hot wash. Shower was always a safe place where I managed to face all my problems, so I knew I was going to feel much better after. Letting the warm water fall over my body, I played all of the moments Jared and I shared in my head. That serendipitous moment at the beach in Mexico, the night of passion we couldn't avoid, all the lustful flashes swarmed my mind and suddenly it seemed as if desire, lust and passion was all that we shared. But what about love? Are we really in love with each other? At one point, I was willing to abandon everything I believed I had always wanted, and now I'm completely lost. Suddenly, I realized that this was the worst time for Jared to be gone. I needed him by my side so desperately that I even wanted to fly to Russia in a second.

While I was drying myself off, I heard my phone ringing. Rushing to the bed, I hovered over the phone and saw Jared's photo on display. My heart started racing and I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I slid my finger over the display, and brought the phone to my ear but no words were leaving my lips.

"Hello? Nicole, are you there?" I heard Jared speaking and I immediately teared up. The feeling of utter joy washed over me, and I just needed to hug him so bad. The last thing I wanted was for Jared to think that I cried, so I gave my best, trying to calm down and talk already.

Clearing out my throat, I breathed out, "Hi... I'm here," I answered wiping the tears off my face.

"Baby, it's so great to hear your voice," Jared said, and I could hear him smiling, "I just needed to call you and..."

"...check if I saw you with that girl?" I cut him off.

"Look, she's just a girl who asked for a photo. I..."

"I know. You don't have to explain anything." I said, suddenly feeling calmer.

"Really? I don't?" Jared was surprised at my reaction.

"No. You sound convincing, and I really can't handle more drama at this point," I answered with a sigh as I was lying on my back.

"Thank you for believing me, baby. I would never lie to you. I miss you so much, and I can't wait to be back and hold you in my arms," Jared said causing a tidal wave of emotions fluttering in my heart.