Love, Heartbreaks and Tragedies

Selfish World

"I love you too." You said to me for the first time. It sounded so pure and innocent. It sounded like a sweet and slow music that melted my heart away.

We were happy for a long time I thought we'd never reach the end. I thought it was infinite. I thought we were infinite.

It was raining hard. The sound of the heavy drops of rain was deafening. The cold breeze brushed my body it made me shiver. I hugged myself tight, waiting for you.

We were supposed to meet here, at our favorite place — the park. But the rain was disastrous. It could destroy people, feelings and us.

Somehow I thought it was the rain's fault that I felt this way. Less loving and less caring. I knew it was selfish of me to stay with you despite my changed heart. Despite my changed feelings.

But you came, soaked and wet from the heavy rain. You still looked good, I swear. With your white shirt and basketball shorts, who wouldn't fall? I was soaking wet too but I didn't mind. You handed me your umbrella which I accepted right away. Maybe this would be the last thing I'd ever accept from you again.

You held my right hand which was holding the umbrella. Your hand felt warm yet wrong. You were searching for something until your eyes found mine.

"What's wrong?" You asked. This. This feels so wrong. It wasn't like before that when I was with you, everything seemed right, perfect and in their right place. Now it all came crushing down. The idea of perfect and us was just a wishful thinking because God knows how imperfect I am for you.

Instead of telling you my thoughts, I chose to shake my head. I shook my head like it would help me convince myself that nothing was wrong and it was just me overthinking things and everything but I knew better. My love for you was gone.

"I love you." The words sounded more of a question than a statement. I felt guilty but I didn't know how to make it up to you.

I was worried for us. What's gonna happen after this? Will everything be the same again? No, of course not.

You held my hand like your life depended on it. I kissed you and we both let go of the umbrella we were holding. We let ourselves get drawn under the heavy rain.

You kissed me with passion but mine was full of sadness and hatred for myself – for feeling this way.

How did it end up like this? How did this horrible nightmare happen? I thought you were the one for me and I was the girl for you. If this was a dream, I badly want to wake up and hug you like before. Your body so close to mine, warming each other.

And I let go. Lips sore from the kiss we had. Eyes red from the tears I didn't want to fall.

How could I tell you I'm done with us? That it's over? I knew I couldn't live without you. All these time, I've been dependent on you. How could I live without you by my side?

Is it cruel if I stay with you? Is it selfish?

"I love you too." And I cried. Because I don't deserve your love. I was making you look like a fool.

I wanted to tell you you were loving a bitch who only cared for herself. I wanted to tell you I don't love you anymore but I knew you'd let me go if I said that. It's fucking selfish because I didn't want you to let me go. I wanted you to cling onto me, to be your one and only.

I wanted to be your world but you weren't mine. It was so selfish and desperate and pathetic but I couldn't let you go.

Who cares what others would say? My "I love you" was enough. You love me and that's more than enough.

I'm sorry but I couldn't just let you go. I was your world but I don't rotate only for you.