Everybody's Got a Dream

two

Hello! Eek, sorry for the super late update! Hope I didn't scare you off. (Gosh its been like, 5 months! yikes) Here's chapter two! Hope you enjoy! :)

***

John Laurens knew he was never going to get over Alexander Hamilton.

So when he got the invitation to reunite at Columbia University, he accepted it in a heartbeat. Maybe once he saw Alexander again, he would be able to try and put this past him. Maybe he could see Alexander one last time before they would slip away from each other forever. 

Setting a reminder on his phone, John stood anxiously at the Metro stop and glanced quickly down at his clock. 6:59. 

A few seconds went by. 

7:00.

John heard the familiar sound of wheels on a metal track and watched as the train barrelled around the corner and screeched to a halt at the platform. 

Strategically picking his seat as to not be disturbed, John let his mind wander as he stared listlessly out of the window at the buildings racing by. 

--

Not much had changed for John since graduating Columbia University. Sure, he grew taller and had weekly drinks with some old college friends. He still kept his old clothes, desperately clinging to the remaining clothing of Alexander until they were threadbare and thin. He drinks a triple-shot espresso every morning just because it reminds him of the taste of Alexander's lips.

For the past five years, every interaction they had shared was vividly replaying itself in his every waking minute and in every dream.

 He remembered the way Alexander would laugh doubled over, hugging his stomach; a real laugh saved for John and John only. The way Alexander's nose crinkled just slightly when he smiled and the way his eyes would light up at the mention of watching Disney movies. 

He remembered the giggling mess they were as they rubbed each other's cheeks with paint from John's supply kit and he remembered the vibrant streak of pink color that Alexander had on his cheekbone.

John remembered thinking to himself, "This is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life." 

John remembered a time when Love was benevolent and not the dull ache he feels in his chest when he sees a happy couple walking hand in hand. 

If he was being honest with himself, he hated it; he hated remembering. He hated how he couldn't even think about loving another person without the smiling face of Alexander in his mind. 

He hated how he couldn't stop thinking about the man that he would die for. He hated how worthless he felt without him. 

And when he was alone at night, wrapped in his covers, he couldn't help wonder if it was something he had done to scare Alexander away. What if "John" just wasn't enough?

John rubbed his eyes furiously, not realizing he had been crying until he felt a salty, wet tear drip onto his upturned hand. His eyes quickly darted around the cabin, but no one seemed to have noticed.

He glanced down at his watch again. 7:25. It was almost his stop.

--

"Hey, John? Earth to John!" 

John blinked, letting the world come back into focus. 

John's friend and coworker snapped in front of his face.

"Hey, sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What were you saying again?"

She let out a sigh of indignation. 

"I was just sayin' how you should probably go take a day off. You've been working non-stop ever since you've got this internship and I feel like we're somehow overworking you."

"Nah, I'm fine. Plus, I'm probably going to have to take a few days off when I go back to New York for my college reunion."

There was an awkward pause as his friend narrowed her eyes. 

"You've been ranting for over a month about how much you hate that school. Why the sudden change of heart?"

It took all of John's strength to not scream ALEXANDER at the top of his lungs, but he managed, so he instead shrugged and mumbled something about "money" and "father made me."

It seemed that his friend bought his answer, so John waved at her and left to hang up his jacket and manage his part of the San Diego Zoo tour. 

--

A young little boy stood in front of John, with bright inquisitive eyes that looked just a little too familiar. 

"Excuse me, sir. What type of animal is that?"

John blinks, glancing to where the young boy is pointing with his stubby, cotton candy covered finger. "Oh, that's the stingray. Do you want to pet them?"

The young boy nodded eagerly, and John led him over to the pool. The water glistened reflectively, shimmering and refracting in the light. 

In the water, he saw his own face looking back up at him. The same curly ponytail. The same splatter of freckles dotting his face. 

He looked practically unchanged since college, except for, obviously, the many years. 

Next to him, the young boy was splashing the water with delight, grinning when a stingray would slide up against the wall and rub against his fingers. 

There was something there, something. Something that left a lingering ache of his could have been family. 

A little boy. 

John's mind flashed to a couple he saw on the train with a young child seated between them. He hadn't really considered kids before, but in his heart he felt a twinge of yearning. 

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Now was not the time to get wrapped up in his mind. He had a job to do.

--

John couldn't keep himself from grinning when he heard his friends' cheerful voices coming from the speaker of his phone even though his feet burned from the hours of walking. 

"John! It's really been too long! And yes, we more definitely are going to the reunion! What kind of alumni do you think we are?"

Rolling his eyes fondly even though he knew that they wouldn't be able to see him, John laughed. 

There was a pause. 

"You know that he is probably going to be there, non?" Lafayette's familiar accent crept into his voice, sharing a little unspoken concern.

"Yeah! No biggie. I'll just, ya know, ignore him. But it's going to be fine. After all, you're going to be there!"

John desperately tried to keep the waiver out of his voice, cursing the way his heart sped up just thinking about him. 

In a few weeks, he'll be seeing Alexander. He'd better learn to control his emotions better than this. 

Shaking his head quickly and calling "Bye!" into the phone, John stepped into his apartment, tossing his keys onto the table and slipping his jacket onto the rack. 

He dropped onto the couch and groaned. He could think about Alexander later. What he needed now was a nice, long nap.