Miss Jackson || Brendon Urie fanfic

13. Alex

I'm feeling better, but still, not like I should. I mean, I should be like over the top happy, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I have a loving girlfriend and amazing friends, but I don't feel like I should. I still don't eat like I should, because yes, I still believe I'm too fat. Being hungry causes mood swings. Like, bad moods. Sometimes, I get angry for no reason. Nothing really happened, but boom, I'm mad!

I blame myself for it, I really do, but I can't stop obsessing over what I eat. It's not really like I have an eating disorder (I think), it's just healthy looking after my weight. It's simple. They say I look fat, so I do. How do you stop looking fat? Right, you lose weight. Easy as fuck.

I haven't eaten any candy, nor chocolate in the past week, which for me, is a long time. It's tempting, though. Especially when I have a movie night with my parents, or go out with Tonight. But I'm getting good at resisting it. I didn't expect it to be easy either. But what else can I do? I don't eat a lot of sugars, and I skip breakfast half of the time. I know this might not be the healthiest way of doing it, but it's the fastest and the most efficient.

I felt Dallon staring at me the other day. And I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. He could have been staring in the I-don't-know-what-but-something-changed kind of way, which would be a good thing, or in the is-she-losing-weight-omg-she's-starving-herself kind of way, which is even worse than bad. But I don't know what it was, and I have the feeling I don't even want to know, so I'm not going to ask him. If I do, he'd probably get mad at me and give me the whole "we care about your physical and mental health"-preach and I don't think I can take that right now.

***

For today, Brendon gave me his car key again. He has to do some work stuff with Dallon. So yep, I have to drive myself. Fun ensured. I'll just bore myself to death.

To avoid the whole dead-body-in-the-car-incident, I decide to turn on the radio. I'll entertain myself that way. First thing I hear, is the end of a song by Fall Out Boy. I've only heard the song once, and I don't know what it's called, but I'm sure it's by them. Tonight told me about the band, she's a big fan, so I decided to listen some songs and I had to admit, it's amazing.

A song I've never heard before starts playing. It's some band that's live in the radio station. I didn't hear their name, nor the whole explanation behind the song, but I did hear the title. It's called 'Miss Jackson'. I think it's funny, but also weird. But that'll just be because it's also my last name. Whatever. It's a nice song. Catchy, too.

When I arrive at school a few songs later, the 'Miss Jackson'-song is still playing in my head. I like it, maybe I even look it up when I get home. Maybe I don't. I'll see.

I meet up with Tonight and give her a little kiss. By now, I think most people know I'm a lesbian. Well, at least the people at my school. I still have to tell my parents, and my friends from Chicago.

I have a brilliant idea. Maybe Tonight can sleep over today? And I don't even have to tell my parents, since they'll be out of town for a few days to visit my grandmother. Her health isn't what it once was, so my aunts and uncles made a system to take care of her. I don't exactly know how it works, but basically, one of my grandma's kids stays over for a week and takes care of her, then it's time for someone else to take over. Conclusion: this afternoon, my parents leave for a week, in which Brendon is supposed to take care of me. I can do what I want. Or well, at least if Brendon isn't planning on being the annoying babysitter.

I see Delight is coming my way, so I say a "Goodbye, see you later" to Tonight and stay where I am so Delight can catch up with me. She went along with the me-and-Tonight thing, even though I can see it's hard for her sometimes. I know Tonight has a bad reputation, meaning she's known as a slut, but I don't care. As I've probably said a thousand times before, I believe in her, she won't cheat on me. I'll be her last one. Delight might dislike Tonight, but she is not saying it out loud. If she hates her, she keeps it quiet. I'm grateful for that. At least someone not trying to convince me that Tonight is bad for me, or that she's totally going to break my heart.