His Jaguar Tattoo

In Her Own World

The days passed in an odd bleakness that Zuri couldn't shake, no matter how hard she tried. She couldn't get Drew off her mind. Well, it was mostly the sting of his rejection that haunted her. She didn't understand why it hurt her so much. Yes, in some small way she connected with Drew during her two months with him.

But he was no good for her. He hid secrets from her—important ones, at that. She would never be able to trust him because of it. Then there was his moodiness and constant demands. Not even her grandmother ordered her around that much, and that woman raised her. He was too controlling, and she was still young; she needed time to be independent and live according to her own will.

In spite of all these things, these seemingly insurmountable obstacles, her mind continued to replay his gentleness. The way he respected her. The way he tried to hide his feelings, afraid to let her in. The chance he gave her to leave. It was proof that there was good in him. Drew Benson was capable of love, perhaps. If he was willing to give her freedom, even against his own wishes, maybe he would be willing to change for her.

The ponderings of Zuri's mind always ended here. Mostly because she couldn't stand the thought of someone changing for her. She never wanted to make anybody into someone they weren't. Fashioning Drew into her ideal man wasn't healthy. Eventually, he would resent her for it. He needed a relationship where he could be his own person without someone trying to make him better. A relationship where someone cherished him for who he was.

To make her feel better about rejecting him, she tried to imagine Elle slipping her way back into Drew's life. Yet it didn't actually resolve her unhappiness. For one, Elle didn't love this Drew; she loved the old, pre-war Drew. Frankly, she didn't even like the new Drew. Zuri also didn't like the idea of her kissing him or touching him, much less holding him.

Her skin flushed every time she considered it. Something in the back of her mind hinted at jealousy, but Zuri would believe nothing of it. So she did what she could to feel better: she put the feeling off.

Even if she wanted to go back to Drew—as ridiculous as a notion it was—she didn't know how to find him. His number was still in her phone, but he wouldn't answer. Probably. He didn't seem to like her very much the last time they saw each other. Not that she blamed him.

"You seem so distant lately," her grandmother was saying from where she stood at the stove, stirring a pot of chicken and dumplings.

"I'm sorry," Zuri replied. Still, her thoughts were elsewhere.

"You're doing it again. I can hear it in your voice."

She shook her head to clear it. "I really am sorry, Grandma. I don't know what's got me so down lately."

"You haven't been the same since you came back from Mr. Benson's. I'm worried about what he did to you, Zuri." The older woman set her stirring spoon aside before moving to the table where her granddaughter sat. She squeezed Zuri's shoulders. "What did he do to you? You can tell me, Zuri. I don't want you to hold it all in."

"It's not that," she said, rising from the chair and away from her grandmother's hands. "Drew didn't hurt me. He would never hurt me..."

"Then why do you look so lost?"

Her mouth opened, but no words came out. Giving up, she fell back into the chair.

"Look at me, Zuri," her grandmother ordered while directing her chin with her thumb. "I want to help you feel better, but you have to give me a clue as to what is going on. I can't read your mind."

For which I'm thankful, Zuri thought. Her grandmother would be appalled to hear some of her mind's ramblings. Especially the ones that fantasized about the single kiss she'd shared with Drew.

"I don't even know how to interpret my own thoughts," she confessed. "I'm sorry, Grandma. I just need time to sort through them, make sense of them."

"Sure, sweetie." Her grandmother squeezed her shoulder again and returned to the stove.

The following day, she heard much of the same from Addison. Her best friend wanted to know what was up. Except this time, Zuri knew what was wrong and was just keeping it from Addison. She didn't know how to tell her that Kevin tried to kill her twice. How could someone do that to someone they cared about?

Not to mention Kevin was likely dead for all she knew. Drew appeared to be bloodthirsty, and Kevin was a good subject for his torment. How could Zuri tell Addison that either? It was too hard. She refused to even try. If Kevin turned up dead, she wanted his family to remember him as a good kid. He didn't deserve it, but his family did.

"Can I ask you something?"

Zuri lifted her head to meet Addison's piercing blue eyes. "Yes."

"Do you ever plan on telling me about that guy and what happened to you?"

The worst question possible. Well, aside from any inquiry on her brother's whereabouts. That would be worse. Running her fingers through her ponytail, Zuri sat back in the comfy lounge chair and sighed.

"No," she finally answered.

"Was it...bad?" Addison's gaze worriedly flicked over her body as if looking for evidence.

"No. Nothing like that."

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because it's just hard to explain."

Her friend rested her chin on her palm and studied her. "I just want to know why you're so off. I mean, it's not unusual for you to be in your own world, but normally you're happy there. You haven't been happy in your own world, I can tell."

"I'm fine, Addy. I promise."

"You aren't fine. Just tell me...did you like him? Do you miss that guy? Is that what this is about?"

Zuri groaned and said, "Too many questions."

"Please. Let me in a little bit."

Though the idea of telling anyone anything about Drew Benson made her uncomfortable, she already felt guilty for keeping it from her loved ones. But what if something led back around to Kevin and Addison somehow figured it out?

No, she told herself. There would be way too many dots to connect. She'll never suspect Drew had something to do with Kevin's disappearance.

"Okay," Zuri relented. "I'll tell you a little bit."

Addison smiled and brought her knees up onto her chair, getting comfortable. "Go on then."