No, nervous wasn't even in the realm of his feelings at that point.
He was nervous- terrified.
Never before in his life had he ever had a surgery.
Especially not one that was as incredibly…invasive as the one that he was waiting to begin.
"You're going to be okay," Rahna murmured quietly, squeezing his hand.
A small part of him- just a tiny little voice in the back of his head, really- was pretty sure that she was actually reassuring herself as opposed to him. She wasn't a strong biotic by any means and he protected her from Vyrnnus.
He snarled internally at that voice, reminding it that he was her boyfriend and she was supposed to be worried about him.
Without realizing it, Kaidan's hand trailed down into his pocket to run his fingers over Mimi's necklace. It had become something of a calming talisman- something of a reassurance. Rahna never commented on it, but he could tell that she was less than thrilled that he reached for the necklace before he reached for her.
"You should be heading to breakfast- Vyrnnus won't be too happy if he doesn't see you during morning roll call," he pointed, forcing himself to let go of the necklace.
Rahna nodded sadly and leaned up to give him a small kiss. "I'll see you later," she whispered.
After she walked away, he pulled the necklace from his pocket and squeezed it tight in his hand (he often wondered if, at some point, he might accidentally break it from the pressure of his fist) and closed his eyes.
He wasn't particularly religious- his parent's had never instilled that into him.
But, in that moment as he was waiting to be called into the room where they would install an electronic brain implant and amp port, he grasped that necklace as though it was a Catholic rosary and prayed. He didn't pray to any specific deity- no, he didn't want to limit himself in that way.
"I know that I don't do this a lot- only when I really need something-, but I'm asking for help," he murmured. "I don't care which species you belong to- I don't discriminate. Can you just make sure that I make it through this surgery with as few complications as possible? If this works as well as they say it's going to, I'd like to help people with it eventually.
"And, if you can't make sure that I'll be okay, will you at least watch over Rahna when I'm gone- she needs a lot of help. And, since you're listening, can you keep an eye on Mimi too?" Taking a deep breath, he nodded his head. "Thanks for listening," he murmured, finally opening his eyes.
The director of the program was standing right in front of him, his face blank. When he realized that Kaidan was finished with his strange prayer, he nodded. "Ready, Alenko?"
Kaidan felt his throat close- preventing any words to come out. Instead, he simply nodded.
"Good," the director said, holding open the door for Kaidan to enter. After a brief moment of hesitation, Kaidan entered the room.
"Hey, Jo!" Toby called over to her.
She looked over her shoulder, searching for his exact location. To her surprise, there was a boy probably a year from 18 pushed down onto his knees in front of Toby and Frank.
It took her a minute, but she made her way over to the stranger and her two favorite boys.
"What do we have here?" she drawled, eyeing the stranger.
"Trespasser," Frank informed her, pushing the stranger in the shoulder.
She cocked her head to the side as she continued to study the boy. "That's it? You know how we deal with trespassers."
"He got caught stealing some of our sand and knocked Jordan flat on his ass," Toby said.
"Ah. Do you know what I do to people who hurt mine?" she asked sweetly to the boy in front of her on his knees.
They boy looked up at her defiantly. "Why the hell should I care? No, wait, let me guess," he sneered. "You go cry to one of these bastards?" He gestured with his head to the boys holding him.
"What's your name?"
"Fuck you, bitch," he snarled, earning a hard cuff in his head from Frank.
She nodded her head and pulled a knife from her pocket. "We can't hurt him too bad and let him go- he'd go snitch to the cops. We can't just let him go- same problem." She ran the blade lightly against her lower lip, contemplating what to do with him. "What to do, what to do?"
"We could kill him," Toby suggested.
She nodded her head in quiet contemplation. "True," she murmured, looking down at the boy. "Or he could be used as a training tool." She glanced up at Frank. "Ana still needs some help, right?" she asked.
"Can't stand making 'em bleed," he acknowledged.
"Okay- that's what he'll be used for. Don't let her kill him- I have something that needs to be done before that happens." She glanced down at the boy. "Well, you have a little more life left."
As she turned to walk away, he informed her, "You're a monster."
"No," she snapped. "I'm a survivor and I protect what's mine."
I don't want to be like this, a small voice murmured in her head as she continued on her way to find Ana.
